World Junior Thoughts

Well, there’s nothing quite like the World Junior Championships to pull a man out of a writing draught. The WJC is, for this corner of the blogsphere, the premiere hockey event on the calendar. Not only is it my favourite hockey event, I’m also the biggest Team Canada cheerleader not named Pierre McGuire. So with that in mind, some thoughts after watching Canada’s two pre-tournament games and their first round-robin game. Again, I love to love this team, so I’ll be very brief with the negative, and it’s all clear sailing afterward. First: the aforementioned McGuire for ripping the New York Islanders for their handling of Josh Bailey this season. I understand the point McGuire was trying to make, but if you’re going to rip the Isles for mis-handling Bailey, you can’t let the Tampa Bay Lightning off the mat regarding Steven Stamkos. Back in April I begged the Lightning to trade the pick to a franchise that would handle Stamkos properly, instead of putting too much pressure on a young man that isn’t quite NHL ready, and well, I’ll leave it at that. On the ice, I’m going to want to see a little more from three defensemen: Tyler Myers, Keith Aulie and Alex Pietrangelo. Now, I’m not Sportsnet so I’m not going to write anyone off before the quarter pole, but so far, of Canada’s eight defensemen, these three guys have shown me the least. And that’s it. That’s all the bad. None of them have been terrible, I just think they all have another level that we haven’t seen yet. Canada has a couple of young men in goal with impressive resumes. Both netminders are more than capable of taking this team to a gold medal, and there is little to choose between the pair. Let’s just assume they’ll be fine. I need to start in two very specific places with the good: Pat Quinn and Angelo Esposito. During the 2006 Olympics, I refused to cheer for Team Canada because Quinn was the head coach, and I lamented his selection as the head coach of this year’s WJC squad. But he’s got this team going pretty strong early on, and I LOVE what he’s doing with PK Subban on the power play. Subban was the seventh defenseman last year and became a focal point for the media. He’s playing a huge role with this year’s team, and his power play work may actually revolutionize the way teams set up their PP. Good on Quinn. As for Esposito, the TSN guys relayed a story quoting a head scout as saying he “wasn’t close” to making last year’s team. I watched that selection camp and he was, plainly, awful. And if I’m being completely honest, he didn’t seem all that great in the two pre-tournament games I watched, but he took his game to a new level in the opener against the Czechs. He didn’t put on an offensive clinic, and he didn’t ride John Tavares’ coattails to put up big numbers. He played really smart hockey. He was great away from the puck and looks like a pretty good penalty killer. He may not be the offensive player the world thought he’d be when he was at the top of Central Scouting’s rankings, but he may be a complete player now. The Thrashers are going to be very happy to have this young man. Colten Teubert and Thomas Hickey are a fantastic first defense pairing, and will make the Los Angeles Kings very happy down the road. I can’t say enough about Teubert’s play so far, and the superlatives will continue to rain on this young man as the tournament rolls on. Both of these guys should be in the running for best defenseman and/or tournament all star honours. The aforementioned Subban may end up being Canada’s most important player. If Stefan Della Rovere’s injury is more serious than the team is letting on, Subban will move to forward. Subban is a wonderful junior player, and a great player to root for. So far he’s been steady-as-she-goes at the tournament, and there’s no sign of slowing. His partner in the Czech game was Cody Goloubef, who looked good. The old adage says an announcer will rarely call a good defenseman’s name, and that was the case with Goloubef in Canada’s opener. He plays a simple, strong game and looks like a good partner for Subban. Last up is Ryan Ellis, the draft-eligible youngster from the Ontario League. Although he’s played mostly in power play situations, Ellis has shown he’s very capable five-on-five. I would not be surprised to see Ellis take on more responsibility as this tournament progresses. He seems to have great hockey sense and always seems to know where either he or the puck should be at all times. There are some grumblings about Tavares’ lack of even-strength production so far, Ellis could be the guy that can kick-start Canadian rushes and get Tavares going at even strength. That said, he’s small. And he’s been pushed around quite a bit so far. I don’t want him on the ice killing a penalty in the last minute of the gold-medal game, but he’s more than capable of playing a regular shift. Up front things look great. Tavares seems to really be clicking with Esposito on his wing, which Chris DiDomenico looks like a nice complementary player on that line. Again, there are worries about the even-strength production this line hasn’t been bringing but until the knock-out stage, it’s a non-issue. The second and third lines are the reason a lack of production from Tavares’ line is a non-issue right now. Cody Hodgson is playing at an extraordinary level right now and he’s making great things happen on the ice. He’s been spectacular on the power play, playing with Tavares, and he’s been very good at even strength playing with Zach Boychuk and Jordan Eberle. They’re a great line and they seem to make a special play of play, or make a “wow” happen every time they’re on the ice. I’ll agree with McGuire on Eberle though: Jordan shoot the puck more! The third line with Jamie Benn, Brett Sonne and Tyler Ennis could be the difference between a medal and a disappointing end for Canada. So far they’ve clicked and they’re producing in five-on-five situations, and if Ennis continues to play the way he did in the opener, this line will command more ice time. Lord knows I’ll be making a point to see Benn’s Kelowna Rockets and Ennis’ Medicine Hat Tigers whenever they’re back in Calgary this season. This line is capable of an offensive explosion, Canada has to hope it comes at the right time. The fourth line of Della Rovere, Patrice Cormier and Evander Kane (Canada’s other draft-eligible player) has also played well. Della Rovere ran right alongside the injured Dana Tyrell in trying to set the physical tone early in the pre-tournament games, and plays a strong defensive game. If his injury is long term, he’ll surely be missed. Logic dictates Canada should hold him out of the lineup until at least the New Year’s Eve game to let him heal. Cormier and Kane haven’t set highlight reels abuzz just yet, but Cormier is the best defensive forward on the team and Kane appears to be very versatile. Once he gets his legs under him, he could move to the top line with Tavares. There is a lot to like about this team, and frankly, I’m not buying the talk that Canada shouldn’t be/isn’t the favourite in this tournament. Top to bottom this is the deepest, most complete team in the tournament. Every forward seems to have the versatility to play in any situation in all three zones, and the defensemen have the ability to move the puck so well, this team’s transition game will be very tough to stop. And the poor Czechs got a taste of the Canadian power play. It’s still early, and we can’t count anyone out of this tournament yet, but for my money, Canada has clearly moved to the front of the pack.

Hockey thoughts

Watched most of the Oilers game tonight. I got to wondering three things: 1 - What the hell is Jason Strudwick doing in the NHL? This guy is so far from the definition of NHL caliber it's scary. Note to Edmonton: trade Roloson for a defenseman. 2 - Sheldon Souray has a contract worth $25 million or so, a contract he earned by having a ridiculous slapshot. Slapshots are typically even more effective when unleashed as a one-timer. So why is Souray not on the one-timer side of the Oilers' power play? 3 - Marc (thanks for dropping the -Antione) Pouliot is playing on the fourth line. I see the value of having Kyle Brodziak on the fourth line, and maybe a guy like Zack Stortini completes the line beautifully, but Pouliot has way too much talent to play fourth-line minutes exclusively. The guy was a catalyst in the second and third period, working hard on the forecheck and not only creating offense, but also keeping possessions alive. He was more effective than anyone from the Oilers' vaunted second line. The Oilers have to find an offensive role for this guy.

NHL Western Conference preview

Let’s face it, most NHL teams aren’t exactly built like Megan Fox. They’ve got flaws, and for all but one team, those flaws will prove fatal. Here now, a look at each team’s Best Asset, Fatal Flaw, and just for fun, a “What if?” category that asks the question that’s on nobody’s mind. The Western Conference ANAHEIM DUCKS Best Asset: Here’s what you get with Anaheim: stifling defense. End of list. Featuring the most underrated goalie not named Chris Osgood in the history of the game (J-S Giguere) and two first-ballot Hall of Fame defensemen (Scott Niedermayer and Chris Pronged [though not on my ballot]), the Ducks won’t get run out of many rinks. Kent Huskins has become a revelation heading into his third season on the Ducks’ blue line, while Francois Beauchemin, Sean O’Donnell provide stability. Flat out, when Pronger is playing his best, this is probably the best defense corps in the league. Fatal Flaw: The other thing you get with Anaheim is an offense that’s one player deep. Ryan Getzlaf is a star-in-the-making after his breakout playoff performance during the Ducks’ 2007 Stanley Cup Run and his 82-point effort last season. The Ducks need rookie Bobby Ryan to blossom, and he can’t do it fast enough. What If the 2005 NHL Entry Draft were re-drafted today? Considering the 222nd pick in the draft (Kyle Cumiskey) has made a bigger impact on Colorado’s blue line than second-overall pick Ryan has made with the Ducks, I don’t think it’s a stretch the think Ryan drops a few spots. Probably even out of the first round Projected finish: 5th CALGARY FLAMES Best Asset: Toughness. No matter what else happens in Calgary this season, this will be a tough team to play against. Whether Todd Bertuzzi can regain his scoring touch (or better yet, his All-Star form) or not, he’s a big body that makes opposing defensemen miserable. Toss Hart Trophy candidate Jarome Iginla into the mix, along with Curtis Glencross, Dustin Boyd and David Moss types, and this is a team that will look to grind their opposition into submission. Opposing forwards don’t get much of a break either, facing the likes of Dion Phaneuf and Robyn Regehr when seeking entry into the offensive zone. Fatal Flaw: The Flames have never truly addressed the fact they’ve never provided a top-flight centre for Iginla to play with. Newcomer Mike Cammalleri should help to ease Iginla’s scoring burden, but even if he does, who from the bottom three lines can score? What If the Flames hadn’t made a Cup run in 2004? This team faces great expectations in a city that demands a winner, and the Flames have been stagnant since that improbable run. Anything short of a trip to the Conference Final will probably end GM Darryl Sutter’s honeymoon. Projected finish: 8th CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS Best Asset: Vitality. The Blackhawks’ resurgence last season was the best thing to happen to the NHL since Sidney Crosby. Maybe even better. Leading that resurgence was a pair of rookies that exceeded all expectations last season, and have now taken over this team as their own. Sophomores Patrick Kane (last year’s rookie of the year) and Jonathan Toews (the team’s newly-anointed captain) appear poised to lead the Hawks into the post-season for the first time since 2002 (and just the second time since 1997). The have help, too, in the form of Martin Havlat, Dustin Byfuglien, Patrick Sharp and just maybe 2008 first rounder Kyle Beach. The defense corps is young, seems to get better literally every game, and will get a nice boost from free agent signing Brian Campbell. Fatal Flaw: The hype could kill this team before they get off the ground. It seems the whole hockey world is abuzz about this team, and anything short of the playoffs will be seen as a disappointment. Lucky for them, most folks in Chicago will be distracted in October by baseball’s Cubs and White Sox’s playoff runs. What If Jeremy Roenick had never left? How much fun would a Roenick-Toews-Kane line be? Projected finish: 7th COLORADO AVALANCHE Best Asset: Joe Sakic is back for another season, which is great not only for the Avalanche, but also for the league. Every day Sakic is a part of the National Hockey League is a day the league is better. He leads an attack that features Milan Hejduk, Paul Stastny, Marek Svatos, Ryan Smyth and Wojtek Wolski. Make no mistake, it’s a potentially high-octane offence. The team has struggled to live up to their offensive potential in recent seasons, and if they can’t find the back of the net, the may find themselves left behind in the West. Fatal Flaw: Instability between the pipes. Jose Theodore has practically been the definition of inconsistent since winning the Hart Trophy a million years ago. That trend continued during his Colorado tenure. With Theodore out the door, the equally inconsistent Andrew Raycroft and Peter Budaj will battle for number one duties. What If TJ Hensick and TJ Galiardi skated on a line together? Projected finish: 11th COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS Best Asset: Hands down, it’s Rick Nash. He’s the second-highest scoring player in franchise history, and barring injury, should pass David Vyborny’s franchise-leading 317 points this season. And, that’s about it. If both Derick Brassard and Jakub Voracek make the team, as expected, the Jackets will have five new faces on their first three lines (six if Nikita Filatov comes over from Russia). The defense corps has been overhauled, and it really can seem as though Nash is the only returning player. GM Scott Howson has certainly started to rebuild this team in his image, but the fine folks of Columbus may want to experience playoff hockey some time soon-- and Nash absolutely would like to. Fatal Flaw: Howson’s efforts are commendable, but everyone knows stability is key to being a successful hockey team. Howson will need to find a way to strike a balance between filling his team’s many holes, and keeping a cohesive unit in the dressing room. What If Kris Russell were taking a regular shift in the AHL? Any chance that would help his development more than playing 14 minutes a game? Projected finish: 12th DALLAS STARS Best Asset: It’s always nice to have a living legend walking through the dressing room, and the Stars have just that in Mike Modano. The face of the franchise ever since he was drafted, Modano has done it all in Dallas (and previously Minnesota), and is an invaluable asset for the younger players in Dallas. Brenden Morrow learned from Modano, and enjoyed a career year in 2008 after taking over as team captain. The rough and tumble Morrow joins a cast of Stars that includes newly-acquired Sean Avery, Steve Ott and Krys Barch that makes me think the people Dallas like their hockey the way we do in Canada-- hard-nosed, rock ‘em sock ‘em, fight-for-every inch kind of hockey. The Stars will offer lots of that as they look to take the next step in the Western Conference/ Fatal Flaw: Fabian Brunnstrom. Over-hyped rookie and high-priced free agent all in one! Brunnstrom didn’t look all that special at the Traverse City Rookie Tournament, and it’s doubtful he’ll make the kind of impact all the fuss over him suggests he should. What If a recent trend holds up? The Stars will win the Stanley Cup, that’s what. Before winning the Stanley Cup last spring, the Red Wings were eliminated in the Western Final in 2007 by eventual champion Anaheim. The Ducks had lost the 2006 Western Conference Final before winning the Stanley Cup in 2007. Projected finish: 1st DETROIT RED WINGS Best Asset: Nicklas Lidstrom. Closely followed by Chris Osgood, Henrik Zetterberg, Pavel Datsyuk, Marian Hossa, Niklas Kronwall, Brian Rafalski… you get the idea. The Red Wings are once again the defending champions and are once again poised to be the class of the league, and the talk of the town. It’s not even just possible this year’s edition is better than last year’s. On paper, it’s not even a question. Hell, coach Mike Babcock’s hair even looks better this season. Fatal Flaw: Really the only possible thorn in the Wings’ side this season is the dreaded Stanley Cup hangover. But I just can’t figure it happening. What If Detroit and Chicago hold a season-long battle for the Central Division title? Better yet, an epic playoff series? It just might be enough to convince ESPN to start paying attention to hockey again. Projected finish: 2nd EDMONTON OILERS Best Asset: Youth was served in the Alberta capital a year ago, and the Oilers’ youth movement will continue this year. Andrew Cogliano and Sam Gagner proved to be game-breaking players, while the likes of Robert Nilsson, Zack Stortini and Kyle Brodziak carved out vital roles with the club. The Oilers are hoping their young guns can expand on the success they enjoyed last season. Tom Gilbert, technically a rookie last season, had a tremendously successful rookie year, and should be able to take a giant leap in 2008-09. While he‘s a long shot to make it, Gilbert will absolutely be auditioning this year for the 2010 US Olympic team. Fatal Flaw: Youthful exuberance nearly carried this team to an unlikely playoff berth a year ago, and the Oilers need this youthful group to take the next step this season. If not, all bets are off. With a full season of Sheldon Souray, and the addition of Lubomir Visnovsky, the Oilers will have some extra experience on defense, which should make life easier for Mathieu Garon and Dwayne Roloson, as well as lessening the burden Gilbert, Ladislav Smid and Dennis Grebeshkov will face.. What If Sheldon Souray had been healthy last season? Certainly the Oilers’ power play would have been better than 21st and almost as certainly, the Oilers would have gained four more points in the standings. Projected finish: 6th LOS ANGELES KINGS Best Asset: It’s hard to put a positive spin on life as a King the last four or five seasons, but if a silver lining is to be found, it is the collection of high draft picks the Kings have accumulated for being so bad. In the past four drafts, the Kings had five picks in the first 13 spots, plus they’ve acquired Jack Johnson, the third player chosen in the 2005 draft. The Kings appear set to cash in on those picks. With Quebec League-star Jonathan Bernier, plus Johnson, 2008 second-overall pick Drew Doughty, Colten Tuebert (2008, 13th), and Thomas Hickey (2007, 4th) all in the fold, the Kings’ defense will improve rapidly once these players are all ready for full-time duty. Anze Kopitar is the fifth player the Kings drafted with the aforementioned picks. Fatal Flaw: Impatience. The Kings struck gold when Alex Frolov and Kopitar were able to move from the draft podium to the starting lineup, and they were very lucky to do so. The Kings will have to be patient with their young defensemen. Los Angeles sports fans don’t leave the sunshine to watch a losing team. It’s a difficult balance to strike. What If the Kings had the first pick in June, and were able to draft Steven Stamkos ahead of Doughty? It’s a question that will be asked for a long, long time, and will only get louder if Stamkos helps to guide the Lightning back to the playoffs this year. Projected finish: 14th MINNESOTA WILD Best Asset: GM Doug Risebrough, easily. That said, he’s got this team playing the kind of hockey that makes even me change the channel. Well, he’s got Jacques Lemaire doing it. Anyway, the Wild play great defense. What a shock. They have great goaltending. The no longer have Brian Rolston to score the kinds of game-breaking goals he scores. And they have a bitter… Fatal Flaw: Let’s move that last sentence here, and start over with the bitter Marian Gaborik. This guy deserves to be playing fire-wagon hockey alongside a second-coming-of-Adam-Oates type (see Backstrom, Nicklas, WSH). That Gaborik spends 80 games each year grinding and mucking his way through defensive systems is an absolute travesty. I don’t use this phrase very often, because I happen to really like the direction the NHL is heading, but the Wild are single-handedly trying to ruin hockey. I hate everything about them because of it. What If Marian Gaborik had even one centre worth playing with, in his entire career? What would this guy be doing alongside Joe Sakic? I don’t think 150-170 points is totally out of the question. For the love of hockey, Doug, loosen the reigns! Projected finish: 3rd NASHVILLE PREDATORS Best Asset: Seriously, the fact Alexander Radulov spurned this team and bolted for greener pastures in the Russian Continental League. If that’s not a “we just got punked” rallying cry, I don’t know what is. Other than Radulov flipping the bird to his former team mates, the Preds’ best asset is a fine young defense corps. Dan Hamhuis, Ryan Suter and Shea Weber are three of the best defensemen in the league. Hands down. They all play different parts, but they play them masterfully. Above, I mentioned Edmonton’s Tom Gilbert will be auditioning for the US Olympic team this season, in Nashville, Suter will be auditioning to captain that team. He’s a joy to watch, and he will make it his life goal to make Radulov’s life hell whenever he returns from Russia. Fatal Flaw: Radulov was really the only guy that could put pucks in the net. Jason Arnott and J-P Dumont both had strong seasons, and Martin Erat and David Legwand are sort of dangerous, but after that this team is looking at Vernon Fiddler and Radek Bonk to supply offense. That’s not going to happen. What If the Predators had been in Winnipeg or Hamilton from the start? Would anyone actually have noticed the expansion? Would fans have been spared a decade of Barry Trotz hockey and those mustard-yellow jerseys? Clearly, things would be better. Projected finish: 10th PHOENIX COYOTES Best Asset: The Coyotes seem to have a very clear plan in place, with regard to their rebuilding effort. Shane Doan is a great captain, and the right kind of player to build this team around. Recent drafts have produced Kyle Turris, Peter Mueller, Mikkel Boedker, Martin Hanzal, Enver Lisin, the list is seemingly endless. The Coyotes have done a very good job (outside of botching Blake Wheeler’s handling) of identifying the best player available, and making good use of the pick. All of those players are expected to not only make the team this year, but also to contribute at a high level. The Coyotes believe they could be a playoff team this year, but even if they’re not, they should be a fun team to watch-- if only because of Daniel Carcillo. Fatal Flaw: For all the talk about the success the Coyotes have had at the draft table, none of their selections from the last five drafts has played more than one full season in the NHL. Hanzal, Mueller, Daniel Winnick and Keith Yandle all exceeded expectations as rookies, and now must live up to new expectations. What If the Coyotes hadn’t plucked Ilya Bryzgalov off the waiver wire last season? Bryzgalov sparked a turnaround that gave the Coyotes hope until late March. This year, his team will have to pick him up. Projected finish: 9th ST LOUIS BLUES Best Asset: Well, it was Erik Johnson before he wrecked his knee and is likely to miss the entire season. David Perron and David Backes are likely to become valuable forwards, though neither projects beyond the second line. If TJ Oshie sticks with the club, it should be interesting to see how he develops throughout the season. Fatal Flaw: Overall lack of talent. This is an absolutely bad team. Ownership and team president John Davidson have the team heading in the right direction, but they’re at least two years away from being serious playoff contenders. What If the Blues can move pending unrestricted free agents Keith Tkachuk, Andy McDonald, Dan Hinote and Manny Legace for another pile of draft picks? The Blues have made 29 selections in the last three drafts, and will be set up well for the 2009 and 2010 drafts by moving some “rental players” at the deadline. Projected finish: 15th SAN JOSE SHARKS Best Asset: Evgeni Nabokov has quietly become one of the most reliable goalies in the league. He gives the Sharks a chance to win every gave, and allows them to play the defensive style they seem to thrive in. The Sharks have re-built their blue line bringing in veterans Rob Blake, Dan Boyle and Brad Lukowich. The newcomers should maintain the expected level of play, while bolstering an anaemic back-end offense. Fatal Flaw; Often, the Sharks’ lack of a top-end puck-moving defenseman was seen as their Achilles’ Heel. If Blake, Doyle and Lukowich are the answer, the team’s new area of concern needs to be a potentially impotent offense. Outside of Joe Thornton, the Sharks’ forwards are unproven, inconsistent, or offensively un-offensive. Among other ifs, if Milan Michalek can develop into the offensive player the Sharks hope he can, and if Jeremy Roenick can find a fountain of youth, and if Patrick Marleau can appear even moderately interested, and if Jonathan Cheechoo-- well, let’s stay within the realm of reality here. What If former head coach Ron Wilson wasn’t the problem? If this team can’t get over the hump soon, fans at the Shark Tank are staring down a rebuilding effort in the near future. Projected finish: 4th VANCOUVER CANUCKS Best Asset: Roberto Luongo. His track record speaks for himself. He’s so important to this team, the Canucks took an unusual step, and became the first team since the 1947-48 Canadiens to name their goaltender their captain. Fatal Flaw: The phrase “unusual step” can be applied to a few too many things happening in Vancouver these days. This team has no one to put pucks in the net other than the soon-to-be free agent Sedin twins… you know, this team is so bad I’m not even going to write anymore. What If the Todd Bertuzzi incident had never happened (which seems to be the case in Calgary lately)? This team has been on such an incredible downward spiral ever since. It’s actually pretty sad. Projected finish: 13th

NHL Eastern Conference preview

Let’s face it, most NHL teams aren’t exactly built like Megan Fox. They’ve got flaws, and for all but one team, those flaws will prove fatal. Here now, a look at each team’s Best Asset, Fatal Flaw, and just for fun, a “What if?” category that asks the question that’s on nobody’s mind. The Western Conference ATLANTA THRASHERS Best Asset: Zach Bogosian. Put the C on this kid’s sweater and lock him up with a Vinny Lecavalier-style contract. With the caveat that it’s easy to over-react to brief glimpses of any player, Bogosian is going to be a very good player-- probably a great player. It’s also very east to dismiss the Thrashers’ group of defensemen as scrubs, but Tobias Enstrom had a staggering rookie season, while Garnett Exelby and Niclas Havelid are greatly under-rated. So Bogosian will have help while he develops into the extraordinary player he could be. Fatal Flaw: Pretty much everything other than Bogosian and the other-worldly Ilya Kovalchuk is cause for concern. Ron Hainsey is the team’s highest-paid defenseman, Kari Lehtonen just doesn’t seem to be interested in becoming the goalie he was projected to be, and a rookie out of the Golden Horseshoe Junior B Hockey League that weighs less than my laptop but skates like the wind (Daultan Leveille) could actually be their best option to centre Ilya Kovalchuk, What If the Thrashers had used their first-ever draft pick on Mikhail Donika (last overall, Dallas, zero NHL games) instead of Patrik Stefan (first overall, Atlanta, 732 concussions)? Would they be any worse off? Projected finish: 13th BOSTON BRUINS Best Asset: Overall talent. Nobody is going to confuse these Bruins with the Phil Esposito era, but they have a nice collection of talent up front with Marc Savard and Patrice Bergeron leading the way. Marco Sturm and Chuck Kobasew are still sleeper-type guys that could break out for 60 points at any time. Michael Ryder should easily get back to 30 goals feeding on a diet of Savard’s beautiful passes. Milan Lucic isn’t the second coming of Cam Neeley, but he sure can play game. Phil Kessel, David Krejci and Vladimir Sobotka round out a top nine that could grow into one of the league’s top forward groups. On the blue line, same thing. Zdeno Chara leads this mostly young group of defensemen that will continue to learn on the fly and develop this season. Fatal Flaw: Manny Fernandez. Sorry, Manny, but this is a salary cap world, and your $4.3 million cap hit leaves the Bruins pretty well right up against the ceiling. Fernandez has to go if the Bruins are going to make any kind of additions at the trading deadline. What If Stephane Yelle could skate? He’s one of the best penalty killers in the league, and his hockey IQ is off the charts. His impact can’t be measured with stats. Projected finish: 5th BUFFALO SABRES Best Asset: Derek Roy. Derek Roy. Derek Roy, and just once more for good measure, Derek Roy. He skates, he hits, he scores, he kills penalties, he wins faceoffs. He’s Lou Lamoriello’s wet dream. Seriously, I have no doubt Lou spends nights crying, lamenting having chosen Adrian Foster four picks ahead of Roy in the 2001 Entry Draft. But enough about Lou, Derek Roy enjoyed a break-out season in 2008, and if Tom Vanek and Max Afinogenov can stop playing like assholes, they could help him get to the 100-point plateau. Fatal Flaw: The aforementioned Vanek and Afinogenov have proven enigmatic and inconsistent. The rest of the Sabres’ offense is made up of infirmary regulars (Tim Connolly, Methuselah Teppo Numminen) and the grinder types that you can’t win without, but can’t rely of to get the win. Plus Patrick Kaleta seemed to go out of his way in Rochester to prove to the world that he is, in fact, the world’s biggest sonofabitch. What If the Sabres had been able to retain any of Miro Satan, J-P Dumont, Dan Briere, Chris Drury, Curtis Brown, Jay McKee or Brian Campbell? Projected finish: 11th CAROLINA HURRICANES Best Asset: Speed. The Hurricanes are an extraordinarily-fast team, with mobile defensemen and forwards that understand the defensive side of the game. That speed has helped to provide the Hurricanes with one of the league’s most prolific offences since the lockout. Last season injuries slowed the Hurricanes, and may again this season with Rod Brind’Amour and Justin Williams both sidelined to start the year. Eric Staal quietly had his best season yet in 2008, while Matt Cullen resumed his role in Carolina as though he’d never left. If Sergei Samsonov can continue the unlikely resurgence he enjoyed last season with Carolina, this team will continue to kill with speed. Fatal Flaw: Age. The Canes have some young guns, but their most important players are Brind’Amour (38), Frantisek Kaberle (34), Ray Whitney (36) and Scott Walker (35). This group could carry Carolina to glory for another year or two, but the Canes need to begin to pass the torch. What If the Canadian sports media were willing to admit the Carolina Hurricanes have a pretty special fan base? Sure, they’re a long way from selling out every game, but the fine folks of Carolina have taken a liking to their Canes, and this will be one of the league’s premiere markets within the next decade. Projected finish: 10th FLORIDA PANTHERS Best Asset: It just may be rookie head coach Peter DeBoer. By all accounts, and by having an extended look at the Panthers during their four days in Calgary and Edmonton this week, DeBoer has this team playing up-tempo, in-your-face hockey. That can only mean good things, and not only on the ice, but also at the turnstiles. As a long-time head coach in the Ontario Hockey League, DeBoer knows how to get the most out of young players. He also knows a thing or two about producing top-notch pivots (see Richards, Mike, PHI; Roy, Derek, BUF). The youth movement in Florida seemingly started a decade ago, and DeBoer is absolutely the right coach to finally get this team to reach their potential. Fatal Flaw: DeBoer is the third head coach the Panthers have had in the last four seasons. That kind of inconsistency has undoubtedly hurt the development of the “veteran” players on this roster. Players like Nathan Horton, Stephen Weiss, Jay Bouwmeester and Rostislav Olesz. Unless DeBoer and GM Jacques Martin are on the same page, following the same plan, the Panthers could be facing more of the same. What If the Todd Bertuzzi trade had worked out (as this writer thought it would) for the Panthers? It’s hard to think of a time when a team got fleeced quite as badly as Florida did in that trade, but in the end, maybe they’re better off without Mike Keenan calling the shots (I’m looking at you, Calgary). Projected finish: 12th MONTREAL CANADIENS Best Asset: Very quietly, the Canadiens have put together a lethal offense. Led by the best power play unit in the league last season, the Habs scored the second-most goals last season. And things look good for this team to improve their offensive output this year. Consider: the now-departed Michael Ryder was well below his career-average goals scored, Saku Koivu’s 56 points were way below his norm, Andrei Kostitsyn gave us a taste of things to come while younger brother Sergei chipped in an entirely respectable 27 points in 52 games, with increased power play time Roman Hamrlik should get back to 30 points, and they added Alex Tanguay-- a player that’s averaged nearly a point a game during his career (excluding last season). Fatal Flaw: Inconsistency. This team has shown a lack of focus for dangerously long stretches of time in the three years since the lockout. They couldn’t keep it together in the 2006 playoffs after Koivu got hurt, they couldn’t keep it together in the 2006-07 season and missed the playoffs after one of the worst “do-or-die” performances ever, then they fell apart when RJ Umberger started pumping pucks past Carey Price last spring. I’m calling out Koivu in this regard. The team doesn’t have the leadership to keep it together when the going gets tough (that said, there’s nobody tougher than Saku, which is what make it so strange). What If Patrick Roy had never left town? For one day in November, at least, it will feel that way, when his number 33 is raised to the rafters at the Bell Centre. But seriously, what if he’d never left? Projected Finish: 3rd NEW JERSEY DEVILS Best Asset: Everything old is new again, as Brian Rolston and Bobby Holik return to the swamp. Rolston brings some serious offensive punch to take some of the pressure off Brian Gionta. Holik brings defensive responsibility to help alleviate some of John Madden’s duties. With some new additions helping out in those key roles, look for Zack Parise and Travis Zajac to continue their offensive growth, while aging vets Patrik Elias and Jamie Langenbrunner try to rekindle some of the old magic. On defense, Johnny Oduya will continue his ascension into the ranks of the NHL’s best defensemen, while Paul Martin is already hiding in that group, and Andy Green will be given more responsibility this year. And, of course, Martin Brodeur will play Vezina-calibre hockey. Fatal Flaw: The Devils are counting on a lot of Ifs and creaky backs this season. Holik, Elias, Langenbrunner, these guys aren’t getting any younger, and it’s hard to imagine they can all start scoring in bunches again. What If head coach Brent Sutter is successful in his attempts to open up the Devils’ offense a little bit? If this team pulled a 180, and went Captials-style, they could run and gun with anybody-- even with all the question marks. Projected finish: 6th NEW YORK ISLANDERS Best Asset: The Isles have one of the best PR departments in all of hockey. This team is going to be lousy this season, but they’re saying all the right things, and appear to be making the right kinds of moves. The team has very high hopes for Kyle Okposo, and there’s no reason to believe he can’t reach whatever goals he and the team have set for him. The Mark Streit signing will bolster the power play, but it’s hard to tell if any of Bill Guerin, Doug Weight and Mike Comrie (Oilers fans don’t feel so bad about all those guys leaving town nowadays) can actually still skate fast enough to draw a penalty. The defense, anchored by Brendan Witt and Radek Martinek, and back-stopped by Rick DiPietro, will be sound, and should keep most games close. Fatal Flaw: But in the end, the Islanders will ice a glorified AHL team. Sean Bergenheim projects as a first-line player. Not good. What If the Islanders knew how to keep young players in the fold? Going back to 1997, the Islanders have traded away the following first-round selections: Roberto Luongo, Eric Brewer, Tim Connolly, Taylor Pyatt, Raffi Torres and Robert Nilsson, as well as the pick Ottawa used to select Jason Spezza in 2001, and the rest of the first three rounds of the 2001 draft. And just to really stick their noses in it, the Isles also drafted Wade Redden and Todd Bertuzzi with first-round picks. Projected finish: 15th NEW YORK RANGERS Best Asset: A plan, and a commitment to building through the draft. Fatal Flaw: What’s that? The Rangers have just one of their first-round picks from the last 10 drafts in their lineup? Oh my. Well, so much for building through the draft and being patient. The Rangers went heavy on the free agents last summer, but because it was Scott Gomez and Chris Drury (with a dash of Brendan Shanahan), the moves were seen as savvy and wise. This past summer, not so much. Free agent signings Wade Redden and Markus Naslund are, outside of Glen Sather, the only people that don’t know they’re done. And the trade with Columbus that sent Fedor Tyutin away?? For Nik Zherdev?? Glen Sather, you are the New York Rangers’ fatal flaw. What If the Rangers hadn’t pushed Jaromir Jagr out the door with the Gomez and Drury signings? Maybe Alex Cherepanov comes over from Russia sooner, maybe Brandon Dubinsky and Ryan Callahan are playing meaningful minutes and developing quickly. Maybe this team isn’t headed for a monumental collapse. Projected finish: 9th OTTAWA SENATORS Best Asset: Daniel Alfredsson, and his seemingly endless commitment to this team and their fans. I don’t know where this team is without Alfredsson, but it can’t be pretty. It’s hard to imagine a more anonymous group of forwards than the one that took to the ice in Ottawa last season, but despite that, the Senators were the highest-scoring team in the NHL last season. New head coach Craig Hartsburg has used the pre-season as an opportunity to see what the offense looks like when the Alfredsson-Jason Spezza-Dany Heatley line is broken up, but it’s hard to imagine the likes of Jarkko Ruutu, Josh Hennessy or Jessie Winchester leading this team back to the top offensive spot. Fatal Flaw: The back end. The Senators may be the most successful team ever to ignore the “build from the net out” axiom, and they’ll take their chances again this year with Martin Gerber in goal, and a defense corps riddled with holes after the top pairing of Chris Phillips and Anton Volchenkov. The Senators botched the Andrej Meszaros situation, newcomer Jason Smith is well past his prime, but remains an excellent leader. Brian Lee is a highly-touted prospect, but unproven, and Christoph Schubert has spent most of the last two seasons at forward. This could get messy. What If Jason Spezza can stay healthy and motivated for a whole season? I’ve been saying it for years, and once again, this could be Spezza’s Art Ross year. Projected finish: 8th PHILADELPHIA FLYERS Best Asset: Leadership. In the early stages of last season, the Flyers faced a number of long suspensions, and coming off a year in which they won just 22 and finished dead last, that kind of disruption could have easily derailed the 2007-08 campaign. But the Flyers kept it together, led by Mike Richards in just about every imaginable way. The Flyers handled talk of a goaltending controversy, a possible coaching change, and injuries with ease, en route to a 39-point improvement and a trip to the Eastern Conference Final. The Flyers remain mostly unchanged heading into the new season, and they’ll face great expectations. Fatal Flaw: The defense corps remains painfully immobile, but amazingly effective. Thanks to a performance for the ages from RJ Umberger, the Flyers were able to get past a speedy Montreal team in the playoffs, but were no match for the Penguins in the East Final. Bringing in Ossi Vaananen, and giving youngsters Ryan Parent and Braydon Coburn will help, but these guys are hardly Norris Trophy winners. What If Simon Gagne is at full capacity this season, after missing almost all of last season with a concussion? This team should be very, very dangerous this season. Projected finish: 1st PITTSBURGH PENGUINS Best Asset: The Penguins have a player named Sidney Crosby who may have big things in store. In all seriousness, the Penguins have at least as much top-end talent in Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Sergei Gonchar and Marc-Andre Fleury as any team in the league. It’s everything after those four players that leaves one wondering. Fatal Flaw: Miro Satan, Ruslan Fedotenko, Pascal Dupuis, these are fine hockey players, but it will be interesting to see if they can give Crosby and Malkin extra time and space in which to operate. Further, there’s no guarantee they’ll be adequate beneficiaries of Crosby and Malkin’s considerable talents. The Pens will start the year without Gonchar and Ryan Whitney, both because of injury, and I don’t much care that this team played in the Stanley Cup Final last season when they’ll start this season with Mark Eaton, Brooks Orpik, Hal Gill and Kris Letang as their top four defensemen. With a healthy Gonchar and Whitney, this team could get back to the Final, but the should expect a slow start. What If the Penguins stumble out of the gate? They’ll play 10 of their first 16 games against teams that made the playoffs last season without their top two defensemen. Even if Gonchar is back inside of six weeks, Whitney will be longer, and this team could find itself well behind the eight-ball by the All-Star break. Projected finish: 4th TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING Best Asset: Firepower is this season’s buzz word in Tampa. The Bolts enter the season with Martin St-Louis and Vincent Lecavalier still firing on all cylinders, with Vaclav Prospal, Radim Vrbata and Ryan Malone to supply strong secondary offense, and 2008 first overall pick Steven Stamkos looking to make his mark. Gary Roberts has been added from Pittsburgh as well to bring veteran leadership and grit-- and to sit at the dressing room stall next to Stamkos’. The Bolts’ offense ranked 16th in the league last season, and is sure to improve. Fatal Flaw: I like Paul Ranger, I really do. I think he’s a smart young defenseman, and some day, he’s going to be very good. But I’m not sure he’s ready to lead this group to success. He played well at times, and struggled at times, playing 25 minutes a game last season, and it’s hard to think more minutes, surrounded by a younger, more inexperienced group, will help his development. What If the defense can minimize the number of second chances their opposition gets, and what if they can keep most scoring chances to the outside? Mike Smith is good enough to keep this team in most games if the defense can hold at all. Projected finish: 7th TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS Best Asset: Vesa Toskala won 33 games for the Leafs last season, backstopping an atrocious team. It’s hard to imagine a scenario in which the Leafs win 36 games again this season, but no matter how few or many they win, Toskala will be the primary reason almost every time. Fatal Flaw: Nothing against Nik Antropov personally, but this guy is not your prototypical first-line centre. He’s barely a second-line centre. The Leafs just don’t have a lot of talent, and every game they play this season will be a testament to that fact. That’s not to say new head coach Ron Wilson won’t have this team working hard every night, but hard work doesn’t make up for the fact they’ll be facing the likes of Marc Savard, Patrice Bergeron, Derek Roy, Tom Vanek, Jason Spezza, Dany Heatley and Alex Kovalev in nearly half their games. What If Toskala plays out of his mind, Pavel Kubina and Tomas Kaberle morph into the second coming of Bobby Orr and Larry Robinson, and hell freezes over? Even if all that happened, I still wouldn’t put money on the possibility of the Leafs making the playoffs. Projected finish: 14th WASHINGTON CAPITALS Best Asset: Alex Ovechkin. Everything about him. I love the way this guy plays the game, I love his enthusiasm on the ice, I love the way his team mates rally around him and love him. Ovechkin is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of player, the way he mixes speed, scoring, physical play, and the way he seems to truly treasure every minute he spends on the ice. With a full, healthy season from both Sergei Fedorov and Alexander Semin, as well as the continued growth of Nicklas Backstrom and Mike Green, this team should only improve on their improbable Southeast title last season. Fatal Flaw: The Caps were able to sneak up on just about everyone last season, as defending division champs, they obviously won’t have that luxury this year. It will be interesting to see if the Caps’ wide-open, run-n-gun style will continue to propel them to victory this season (here’s hoping), or if defenses will have found a way to slow them down (please no). What If the Capitals can make a deep run playing fun-to-watch, break-neck paced hockey? Will the Minnesotas and Anaheims go away? Projected finish: 2nd

LMITR Classic Movie Review - Hellbound

Two shout-outs are required to lead into this week’s entry. First, to my friend Christina for introducing me to Pajiba. And second, to Pajiba. Their regular feature “Hangover Theatre” is the inspiration for today’s entry, though I wasn‘t even remotely hung over while watching the movie. The scene: some time in late 1994 or early 1995. I’m 12 years old and horsing around with some friends, an armament of Nerf guns, and unfamiliar surroundings. As always, it adds up to disaster when I crack the back of my head open on the edge of a mantle made of rock. So after a trip to the emergency room (no stitches needed, hurrah!), my friends and my concussed brain decide it’s a good idea to get a movie. We found one called Hellbound. I have always had very strong memories of loving this movie. It’s not just a Chuck Norris classic, to my mind (which was concussed at the time of viewing), it’s THE Chuck Norris classic. My one great hope from all the “Chuck Norris Facts” and the ensuing resurrection of his popularity is that this classic piece of cinema would finally get a DVD release. A recent trip to a local cd shop answered my prayers when I found a Chuck Norris Triple Feature DVD featuring Hellbound. Now, finally, more than 13 years after the original viewing, it‘s time for a repeat viewing. This is Hellbound. OK, holy crap. That is one bad movie. I won’t even get into a full review here because I actually turned the movie off. Instead, I recommend you head out to your local film festival (Toronto and Calgary are both on now) and see something you normally wouldn’t. There’s no way it will be as bad as Hellbound.

Nickels For Your Nightmares

I received something tremendously helpful in the mail this week. In fact, I received two of these somethings, and I’d like to tell you all about it. I consider myself a fairly charitable person. I’ve never had a lot of money to donate to the causes I support, but I always have time and energy to devote to those causes-- with the intention of convincing people that do have money to cough it up. But, no more! You see, on consecutive days this week, I received information from charitable organizations in the mail. The mailers informed me that for just a nickel, I could make a difference. First, on Tuesday, an envelope from UNICEF telling me “a nickel could save a child’s life” Wednesday I was asked “can a nickel really help end MS?” Included in the UNICEF envelope was a two-page letter describing the work UNICEF does (all very commendable), a postage-paid return envelope (presumably for my donation cheque), three dozen very lovely, full-colour, personalized address labels, and a nickel. Yes, perhaps even the very nickel that could save a child’s life. From the letter, “Every nickel counts.” A proclamation the fine folks at UNICEF found important enough to not only italicize, but also underline and include as a post-script. Now, apparently prepared for jackasses like me to receive these envelopes with nickels and opportunities to save lives, they’ve even included another piece of paper detailing the fact their campaign is supposedly more successful when they send an actual nickel than when they just send $1.25 worth of paper and stickers. Furthermore, the nickel was a brand new 2008 nickel, which leads me to believe UNICEF even has some kind of deal worked out with the Royal Canadian Mint to get first crack at the new nickels. I can’t imagine those sorts of deals come for free. The MS Society, they at least used a little less paper (actually, a lot less), but the whole sheet of paper is a roll of stickers. They sent 90 return address stickers to me-- featuring exotic birds, don’t cha know. And, of course, a nickel. Again, a brand new 2008 nickel, with a giant thumb print, and upside down on the page. UNICEF may have wasted more money sending this junk to me, but at least their nickel was facing the right way. I understand these great causes need all the support they can get, and lord knows I’d rather have a mailbox full of this crap than to have to watch those oh-so-depressing commercials. But there has got to be a better way than actually sending nickels to people. All getting a nickel from these organizations did for me was to piss me off. And now I’ve decided they must actually be pretty well-off if they’re sending nickels all over the country. Let’s say they mail this junk to just 10,000 Canadians. According to the literature, that $500 could practically pay for a whole air-drop worth of medical supplies, or pay for a MS-patient’s caregiver for a week. So now who’s the jackass? Me for shitting all over these charities’ ridiculous campaigns? Or these charities for wasting money that other hard-working Canadians have donated? Image source: right here on Blogger

The Only Thing More Fun Than 2 Girls 1 Cup

This Wednesday, the first beams of energy are scheduled to be sent through the Large Hadron Collider far below the French-Swiss border. What is the Large Hadron Collider? It’s a particle accelerator-- which really is just what it sounds like. It also happens to be the biggest, highest-energy particle accelerator ever built. They’re going to turn this machine on, fire particle beams through it, and see what happens. Some time around October 21, they’re going to start launching these beams toward one another-- as the “Collider“ part of the name suggests. Responsible people in the scientific community admit this little experiment could lead to the end of the world-- no matter how incredibly unlikely. Less responsible types actually guarantee it. Some folks even tried to have a legal injunction shut the LHC down. Particle accelerators have been around since the 1930s without killing us all, and there’s no real reason to think this one will be any different. Except for this. While Hadron colliders have been around since the 1970s, this one is, again, the most powerful one ever built. By about seven times. Which frankly, sounds just a little unnerving. But it’s hard to get a true read on how unnerving it should be, and what the possible consequences of turning on the LHC this week. So much of the information available is laden with hyperbole and exaggeration that it’s almost impossible to know what to believe. The Loudest Man in the Room is here to sort it out for you. Don’t believe any of it. Let’s put it this way, I’m a lot more afraid of the leftover fries I ate today than I am of the LHC. Wednesday will pass, and many scientists will slap each others’ backs and congratulate one another for their glorious experiment (which it is). And October 21 will also come to pass with nary a hint of the apocalypse. Now, all that isn’t to say it’s not fun to get people worked up about this thing. I’ve spent the last few days having a lot of fun scaring people out of their wits with this thing. But please. We’re going to be fine. Probably.