World Junior Thoughts

Well, there’s nothing quite like the World Junior Championships to pull a man out of a writing draught. The WJC is, for this corner of the blogsphere, the premiere hockey event on the calendar. Not only is it my favourite hockey event, I’m also the biggest Team Canada cheerleader not named Pierre McGuire. So with that in mind, some thoughts after watching Canada’s two pre-tournament games and their first round-robin game. Again, I love to love this team, so I’ll be very brief with the negative, and it’s all clear sailing afterward. First: the aforementioned McGuire for ripping the New York Islanders for their handling of Josh Bailey this season. I understand the point McGuire was trying to make, but if you’re going to rip the Isles for mis-handling Bailey, you can’t let the Tampa Bay Lightning off the mat regarding Steven Stamkos. Back in April I begged the Lightning to trade the pick to a franchise that would handle Stamkos properly, instead of putting too much pressure on a young man that isn’t quite NHL ready, and well, I’ll leave it at that. On the ice, I’m going to want to see a little more from three defensemen: Tyler Myers, Keith Aulie and Alex Pietrangelo. Now, I’m not Sportsnet so I’m not going to write anyone off before the quarter pole, but so far, of Canada’s eight defensemen, these three guys have shown me the least. And that’s it. That’s all the bad. None of them have been terrible, I just think they all have another level that we haven’t seen yet. Canada has a couple of young men in goal with impressive resumes. Both netminders are more than capable of taking this team to a gold medal, and there is little to choose between the pair. Let’s just assume they’ll be fine. I need to start in two very specific places with the good: Pat Quinn and Angelo Esposito. During the 2006 Olympics, I refused to cheer for Team Canada because Quinn was the head coach, and I lamented his selection as the head coach of this year’s WJC squad. But he’s got this team going pretty strong early on, and I LOVE what he’s doing with PK Subban on the power play. Subban was the seventh defenseman last year and became a focal point for the media. He’s playing a huge role with this year’s team, and his power play work may actually revolutionize the way teams set up their PP. Good on Quinn. As for Esposito, the TSN guys relayed a story quoting a head scout as saying he “wasn’t close” to making last year’s team. I watched that selection camp and he was, plainly, awful. And if I’m being completely honest, he didn’t seem all that great in the two pre-tournament games I watched, but he took his game to a new level in the opener against the Czechs. He didn’t put on an offensive clinic, and he didn’t ride John Tavares’ coattails to put up big numbers. He played really smart hockey. He was great away from the puck and looks like a pretty good penalty killer. He may not be the offensive player the world thought he’d be when he was at the top of Central Scouting’s rankings, but he may be a complete player now. The Thrashers are going to be very happy to have this young man. Colten Teubert and Thomas Hickey are a fantastic first defense pairing, and will make the Los Angeles Kings very happy down the road. I can’t say enough about Teubert’s play so far, and the superlatives will continue to rain on this young man as the tournament rolls on. Both of these guys should be in the running for best defenseman and/or tournament all star honours. The aforementioned Subban may end up being Canada’s most important player. If Stefan Della Rovere’s injury is more serious than the team is letting on, Subban will move to forward. Subban is a wonderful junior player, and a great player to root for. So far he’s been steady-as-she-goes at the tournament, and there’s no sign of slowing. His partner in the Czech game was Cody Goloubef, who looked good. The old adage says an announcer will rarely call a good defenseman’s name, and that was the case with Goloubef in Canada’s opener. He plays a simple, strong game and looks like a good partner for Subban. Last up is Ryan Ellis, the draft-eligible youngster from the Ontario League. Although he’s played mostly in power play situations, Ellis has shown he’s very capable five-on-five. I would not be surprised to see Ellis take on more responsibility as this tournament progresses. He seems to have great hockey sense and always seems to know where either he or the puck should be at all times. There are some grumblings about Tavares’ lack of even-strength production so far, Ellis could be the guy that can kick-start Canadian rushes and get Tavares going at even strength. That said, he’s small. And he’s been pushed around quite a bit so far. I don’t want him on the ice killing a penalty in the last minute of the gold-medal game, but he’s more than capable of playing a regular shift. Up front things look great. Tavares seems to really be clicking with Esposito on his wing, which Chris DiDomenico looks like a nice complementary player on that line. Again, there are worries about the even-strength production this line hasn’t been bringing but until the knock-out stage, it’s a non-issue. The second and third lines are the reason a lack of production from Tavares’ line is a non-issue right now. Cody Hodgson is playing at an extraordinary level right now and he’s making great things happen on the ice. He’s been spectacular on the power play, playing with Tavares, and he’s been very good at even strength playing with Zach Boychuk and Jordan Eberle. They’re a great line and they seem to make a special play of play, or make a “wow” happen every time they’re on the ice. I’ll agree with McGuire on Eberle though: Jordan shoot the puck more! The third line with Jamie Benn, Brett Sonne and Tyler Ennis could be the difference between a medal and a disappointing end for Canada. So far they’ve clicked and they’re producing in five-on-five situations, and if Ennis continues to play the way he did in the opener, this line will command more ice time. Lord knows I’ll be making a point to see Benn’s Kelowna Rockets and Ennis’ Medicine Hat Tigers whenever they’re back in Calgary this season. This line is capable of an offensive explosion, Canada has to hope it comes at the right time. The fourth line of Della Rovere, Patrice Cormier and Evander Kane (Canada’s other draft-eligible player) has also played well. Della Rovere ran right alongside the injured Dana Tyrell in trying to set the physical tone early in the pre-tournament games, and plays a strong defensive game. If his injury is long term, he’ll surely be missed. Logic dictates Canada should hold him out of the lineup until at least the New Year’s Eve game to let him heal. Cormier and Kane haven’t set highlight reels abuzz just yet, but Cormier is the best defensive forward on the team and Kane appears to be very versatile. Once he gets his legs under him, he could move to the top line with Tavares. There is a lot to like about this team, and frankly, I’m not buying the talk that Canada shouldn’t be/isn’t the favourite in this tournament. Top to bottom this is the deepest, most complete team in the tournament. Every forward seems to have the versatility to play in any situation in all three zones, and the defensemen have the ability to move the puck so well, this team’s transition game will be very tough to stop. And the poor Czechs got a taste of the Canadian power play. It’s still early, and we can’t count anyone out of this tournament yet, but for my money, Canada has clearly moved to the front of the pack.

Hockey thoughts

Watched most of the Oilers game tonight. I got to wondering three things: 1 - What the hell is Jason Strudwick doing in the NHL? This guy is so far from the definition of NHL caliber it's scary. Note to Edmonton: trade Roloson for a defenseman. 2 - Sheldon Souray has a contract worth $25 million or so, a contract he earned by having a ridiculous slapshot. Slapshots are typically even more effective when unleashed as a one-timer. So why is Souray not on the one-timer side of the Oilers' power play? 3 - Marc (thanks for dropping the -Antione) Pouliot is playing on the fourth line. I see the value of having Kyle Brodziak on the fourth line, and maybe a guy like Zack Stortini completes the line beautifully, but Pouliot has way too much talent to play fourth-line minutes exclusively. The guy was a catalyst in the second and third period, working hard on the forecheck and not only creating offense, but also keeping possessions alive. He was more effective than anyone from the Oilers' vaunted second line. The Oilers have to find an offensive role for this guy.

NHL Western Conference preview

Let’s face it, most NHL teams aren’t exactly built like Megan Fox. They’ve got flaws, and for all but one team, those flaws will prove fatal. Here now, a look at each team’s Best Asset, Fatal Flaw, and just for fun, a “What if?” category that asks the question that’s on nobody’s mind. The Western Conference ANAHEIM DUCKS Best Asset: Here’s what you get with Anaheim: stifling defense. End of list. Featuring the most underrated goalie not named Chris Osgood in the history of the game (J-S Giguere) and two first-ballot Hall of Fame defensemen (Scott Niedermayer and Chris Pronged [though not on my ballot]), the Ducks won’t get run out of many rinks. Kent Huskins has become a revelation heading into his third season on the Ducks’ blue line, while Francois Beauchemin, Sean O’Donnell provide stability. Flat out, when Pronger is playing his best, this is probably the best defense corps in the league. Fatal Flaw: The other thing you get with Anaheim is an offense that’s one player deep. Ryan Getzlaf is a star-in-the-making after his breakout playoff performance during the Ducks’ 2007 Stanley Cup Run and his 82-point effort last season. The Ducks need rookie Bobby Ryan to blossom, and he can’t do it fast enough. What If the 2005 NHL Entry Draft were re-drafted today? Considering the 222nd pick in the draft (Kyle Cumiskey) has made a bigger impact on Colorado’s blue line than second-overall pick Ryan has made with the Ducks, I don’t think it’s a stretch the think Ryan drops a few spots. Probably even out of the first round Projected finish: 5th CALGARY FLAMES Best Asset: Toughness. No matter what else happens in Calgary this season, this will be a tough team to play against. Whether Todd Bertuzzi can regain his scoring touch (or better yet, his All-Star form) or not, he’s a big body that makes opposing defensemen miserable. Toss Hart Trophy candidate Jarome Iginla into the mix, along with Curtis Glencross, Dustin Boyd and David Moss types, and this is a team that will look to grind their opposition into submission. Opposing forwards don’t get much of a break either, facing the likes of Dion Phaneuf and Robyn Regehr when seeking entry into the offensive zone. Fatal Flaw: The Flames have never truly addressed the fact they’ve never provided a top-flight centre for Iginla to play with. Newcomer Mike Cammalleri should help to ease Iginla’s scoring burden, but even if he does, who from the bottom three lines can score? What If the Flames hadn’t made a Cup run in 2004? This team faces great expectations in a city that demands a winner, and the Flames have been stagnant since that improbable run. Anything short of a trip to the Conference Final will probably end GM Darryl Sutter’s honeymoon. Projected finish: 8th CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS Best Asset: Vitality. The Blackhawks’ resurgence last season was the best thing to happen to the NHL since Sidney Crosby. Maybe even better. Leading that resurgence was a pair of rookies that exceeded all expectations last season, and have now taken over this team as their own. Sophomores Patrick Kane (last year’s rookie of the year) and Jonathan Toews (the team’s newly-anointed captain) appear poised to lead the Hawks into the post-season for the first time since 2002 (and just the second time since 1997). The have help, too, in the form of Martin Havlat, Dustin Byfuglien, Patrick Sharp and just maybe 2008 first rounder Kyle Beach. The defense corps is young, seems to get better literally every game, and will get a nice boost from free agent signing Brian Campbell. Fatal Flaw: The hype could kill this team before they get off the ground. It seems the whole hockey world is abuzz about this team, and anything short of the playoffs will be seen as a disappointment. Lucky for them, most folks in Chicago will be distracted in October by baseball’s Cubs and White Sox’s playoff runs. What If Jeremy Roenick had never left? How much fun would a Roenick-Toews-Kane line be? Projected finish: 7th COLORADO AVALANCHE Best Asset: Joe Sakic is back for another season, which is great not only for the Avalanche, but also for the league. Every day Sakic is a part of the National Hockey League is a day the league is better. He leads an attack that features Milan Hejduk, Paul Stastny, Marek Svatos, Ryan Smyth and Wojtek Wolski. Make no mistake, it’s a potentially high-octane offence. The team has struggled to live up to their offensive potential in recent seasons, and if they can’t find the back of the net, the may find themselves left behind in the West. Fatal Flaw: Instability between the pipes. Jose Theodore has practically been the definition of inconsistent since winning the Hart Trophy a million years ago. That trend continued during his Colorado tenure. With Theodore out the door, the equally inconsistent Andrew Raycroft and Peter Budaj will battle for number one duties. What If TJ Hensick and TJ Galiardi skated on a line together? Projected finish: 11th COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS Best Asset: Hands down, it’s Rick Nash. He’s the second-highest scoring player in franchise history, and barring injury, should pass David Vyborny’s franchise-leading 317 points this season. And, that’s about it. If both Derick Brassard and Jakub Voracek make the team, as expected, the Jackets will have five new faces on their first three lines (six if Nikita Filatov comes over from Russia). The defense corps has been overhauled, and it really can seem as though Nash is the only returning player. GM Scott Howson has certainly started to rebuild this team in his image, but the fine folks of Columbus may want to experience playoff hockey some time soon-- and Nash absolutely would like to. Fatal Flaw: Howson’s efforts are commendable, but everyone knows stability is key to being a successful hockey team. Howson will need to find a way to strike a balance between filling his team’s many holes, and keeping a cohesive unit in the dressing room. What If Kris Russell were taking a regular shift in the AHL? Any chance that would help his development more than playing 14 minutes a game? Projected finish: 12th DALLAS STARS Best Asset: It’s always nice to have a living legend walking through the dressing room, and the Stars have just that in Mike Modano. The face of the franchise ever since he was drafted, Modano has done it all in Dallas (and previously Minnesota), and is an invaluable asset for the younger players in Dallas. Brenden Morrow learned from Modano, and enjoyed a career year in 2008 after taking over as team captain. The rough and tumble Morrow joins a cast of Stars that includes newly-acquired Sean Avery, Steve Ott and Krys Barch that makes me think the people Dallas like their hockey the way we do in Canada-- hard-nosed, rock ‘em sock ‘em, fight-for-every inch kind of hockey. The Stars will offer lots of that as they look to take the next step in the Western Conference/ Fatal Flaw: Fabian Brunnstrom. Over-hyped rookie and high-priced free agent all in one! Brunnstrom didn’t look all that special at the Traverse City Rookie Tournament, and it’s doubtful he’ll make the kind of impact all the fuss over him suggests he should. What If a recent trend holds up? The Stars will win the Stanley Cup, that’s what. Before winning the Stanley Cup last spring, the Red Wings were eliminated in the Western Final in 2007 by eventual champion Anaheim. The Ducks had lost the 2006 Western Conference Final before winning the Stanley Cup in 2007. Projected finish: 1st DETROIT RED WINGS Best Asset: Nicklas Lidstrom. Closely followed by Chris Osgood, Henrik Zetterberg, Pavel Datsyuk, Marian Hossa, Niklas Kronwall, Brian Rafalski… you get the idea. The Red Wings are once again the defending champions and are once again poised to be the class of the league, and the talk of the town. It’s not even just possible this year’s edition is better than last year’s. On paper, it’s not even a question. Hell, coach Mike Babcock’s hair even looks better this season. Fatal Flaw: Really the only possible thorn in the Wings’ side this season is the dreaded Stanley Cup hangover. But I just can’t figure it happening. What If Detroit and Chicago hold a season-long battle for the Central Division title? Better yet, an epic playoff series? It just might be enough to convince ESPN to start paying attention to hockey again. Projected finish: 2nd EDMONTON OILERS Best Asset: Youth was served in the Alberta capital a year ago, and the Oilers’ youth movement will continue this year. Andrew Cogliano and Sam Gagner proved to be game-breaking players, while the likes of Robert Nilsson, Zack Stortini and Kyle Brodziak carved out vital roles with the club. The Oilers are hoping their young guns can expand on the success they enjoyed last season. Tom Gilbert, technically a rookie last season, had a tremendously successful rookie year, and should be able to take a giant leap in 2008-09. While he‘s a long shot to make it, Gilbert will absolutely be auditioning this year for the 2010 US Olympic team. Fatal Flaw: Youthful exuberance nearly carried this team to an unlikely playoff berth a year ago, and the Oilers need this youthful group to take the next step this season. If not, all bets are off. With a full season of Sheldon Souray, and the addition of Lubomir Visnovsky, the Oilers will have some extra experience on defense, which should make life easier for Mathieu Garon and Dwayne Roloson, as well as lessening the burden Gilbert, Ladislav Smid and Dennis Grebeshkov will face.. What If Sheldon Souray had been healthy last season? Certainly the Oilers’ power play would have been better than 21st and almost as certainly, the Oilers would have gained four more points in the standings. Projected finish: 6th LOS ANGELES KINGS Best Asset: It’s hard to put a positive spin on life as a King the last four or five seasons, but if a silver lining is to be found, it is the collection of high draft picks the Kings have accumulated for being so bad. In the past four drafts, the Kings had five picks in the first 13 spots, plus they’ve acquired Jack Johnson, the third player chosen in the 2005 draft. The Kings appear set to cash in on those picks. With Quebec League-star Jonathan Bernier, plus Johnson, 2008 second-overall pick Drew Doughty, Colten Tuebert (2008, 13th), and Thomas Hickey (2007, 4th) all in the fold, the Kings’ defense will improve rapidly once these players are all ready for full-time duty. Anze Kopitar is the fifth player the Kings drafted with the aforementioned picks. Fatal Flaw: Impatience. The Kings struck gold when Alex Frolov and Kopitar were able to move from the draft podium to the starting lineup, and they were very lucky to do so. The Kings will have to be patient with their young defensemen. Los Angeles sports fans don’t leave the sunshine to watch a losing team. It’s a difficult balance to strike. What If the Kings had the first pick in June, and were able to draft Steven Stamkos ahead of Doughty? It’s a question that will be asked for a long, long time, and will only get louder if Stamkos helps to guide the Lightning back to the playoffs this year. Projected finish: 14th MINNESOTA WILD Best Asset: GM Doug Risebrough, easily. That said, he’s got this team playing the kind of hockey that makes even me change the channel. Well, he’s got Jacques Lemaire doing it. Anyway, the Wild play great defense. What a shock. They have great goaltending. The no longer have Brian Rolston to score the kinds of game-breaking goals he scores. And they have a bitter… Fatal Flaw: Let’s move that last sentence here, and start over with the bitter Marian Gaborik. This guy deserves to be playing fire-wagon hockey alongside a second-coming-of-Adam-Oates type (see Backstrom, Nicklas, WSH). That Gaborik spends 80 games each year grinding and mucking his way through defensive systems is an absolute travesty. I don’t use this phrase very often, because I happen to really like the direction the NHL is heading, but the Wild are single-handedly trying to ruin hockey. I hate everything about them because of it. What If Marian Gaborik had even one centre worth playing with, in his entire career? What would this guy be doing alongside Joe Sakic? I don’t think 150-170 points is totally out of the question. For the love of hockey, Doug, loosen the reigns! Projected finish: 3rd NASHVILLE PREDATORS Best Asset: Seriously, the fact Alexander Radulov spurned this team and bolted for greener pastures in the Russian Continental League. If that’s not a “we just got punked” rallying cry, I don’t know what is. Other than Radulov flipping the bird to his former team mates, the Preds’ best asset is a fine young defense corps. Dan Hamhuis, Ryan Suter and Shea Weber are three of the best defensemen in the league. Hands down. They all play different parts, but they play them masterfully. Above, I mentioned Edmonton’s Tom Gilbert will be auditioning for the US Olympic team this season, in Nashville, Suter will be auditioning to captain that team. He’s a joy to watch, and he will make it his life goal to make Radulov’s life hell whenever he returns from Russia. Fatal Flaw: Radulov was really the only guy that could put pucks in the net. Jason Arnott and J-P Dumont both had strong seasons, and Martin Erat and David Legwand are sort of dangerous, but after that this team is looking at Vernon Fiddler and Radek Bonk to supply offense. That’s not going to happen. What If the Predators had been in Winnipeg or Hamilton from the start? Would anyone actually have noticed the expansion? Would fans have been spared a decade of Barry Trotz hockey and those mustard-yellow jerseys? Clearly, things would be better. Projected finish: 10th PHOENIX COYOTES Best Asset: The Coyotes seem to have a very clear plan in place, with regard to their rebuilding effort. Shane Doan is a great captain, and the right kind of player to build this team around. Recent drafts have produced Kyle Turris, Peter Mueller, Mikkel Boedker, Martin Hanzal, Enver Lisin, the list is seemingly endless. The Coyotes have done a very good job (outside of botching Blake Wheeler’s handling) of identifying the best player available, and making good use of the pick. All of those players are expected to not only make the team this year, but also to contribute at a high level. The Coyotes believe they could be a playoff team this year, but even if they’re not, they should be a fun team to watch-- if only because of Daniel Carcillo. Fatal Flaw: For all the talk about the success the Coyotes have had at the draft table, none of their selections from the last five drafts has played more than one full season in the NHL. Hanzal, Mueller, Daniel Winnick and Keith Yandle all exceeded expectations as rookies, and now must live up to new expectations. What If the Coyotes hadn’t plucked Ilya Bryzgalov off the waiver wire last season? Bryzgalov sparked a turnaround that gave the Coyotes hope until late March. This year, his team will have to pick him up. Projected finish: 9th ST LOUIS BLUES Best Asset: Well, it was Erik Johnson before he wrecked his knee and is likely to miss the entire season. David Perron and David Backes are likely to become valuable forwards, though neither projects beyond the second line. If TJ Oshie sticks with the club, it should be interesting to see how he develops throughout the season. Fatal Flaw: Overall lack of talent. This is an absolutely bad team. Ownership and team president John Davidson have the team heading in the right direction, but they’re at least two years away from being serious playoff contenders. What If the Blues can move pending unrestricted free agents Keith Tkachuk, Andy McDonald, Dan Hinote and Manny Legace for another pile of draft picks? The Blues have made 29 selections in the last three drafts, and will be set up well for the 2009 and 2010 drafts by moving some “rental players” at the deadline. Projected finish: 15th SAN JOSE SHARKS Best Asset: Evgeni Nabokov has quietly become one of the most reliable goalies in the league. He gives the Sharks a chance to win every gave, and allows them to play the defensive style they seem to thrive in. The Sharks have re-built their blue line bringing in veterans Rob Blake, Dan Boyle and Brad Lukowich. The newcomers should maintain the expected level of play, while bolstering an anaemic back-end offense. Fatal Flaw; Often, the Sharks’ lack of a top-end puck-moving defenseman was seen as their Achilles’ Heel. If Blake, Doyle and Lukowich are the answer, the team’s new area of concern needs to be a potentially impotent offense. Outside of Joe Thornton, the Sharks’ forwards are unproven, inconsistent, or offensively un-offensive. Among other ifs, if Milan Michalek can develop into the offensive player the Sharks hope he can, and if Jeremy Roenick can find a fountain of youth, and if Patrick Marleau can appear even moderately interested, and if Jonathan Cheechoo-- well, let’s stay within the realm of reality here. What If former head coach Ron Wilson wasn’t the problem? If this team can’t get over the hump soon, fans at the Shark Tank are staring down a rebuilding effort in the near future. Projected finish: 4th VANCOUVER CANUCKS Best Asset: Roberto Luongo. His track record speaks for himself. He’s so important to this team, the Canucks took an unusual step, and became the first team since the 1947-48 Canadiens to name their goaltender their captain. Fatal Flaw: The phrase “unusual step” can be applied to a few too many things happening in Vancouver these days. This team has no one to put pucks in the net other than the soon-to-be free agent Sedin twins… you know, this team is so bad I’m not even going to write anymore. What If the Todd Bertuzzi incident had never happened (which seems to be the case in Calgary lately)? This team has been on such an incredible downward spiral ever since. It’s actually pretty sad. Projected finish: 13th

NHL Eastern Conference preview

Let’s face it, most NHL teams aren’t exactly built like Megan Fox. They’ve got flaws, and for all but one team, those flaws will prove fatal. Here now, a look at each team’s Best Asset, Fatal Flaw, and just for fun, a “What if?” category that asks the question that’s on nobody’s mind. The Western Conference ATLANTA THRASHERS Best Asset: Zach Bogosian. Put the C on this kid’s sweater and lock him up with a Vinny Lecavalier-style contract. With the caveat that it’s easy to over-react to brief glimpses of any player, Bogosian is going to be a very good player-- probably a great player. It’s also very east to dismiss the Thrashers’ group of defensemen as scrubs, but Tobias Enstrom had a staggering rookie season, while Garnett Exelby and Niclas Havelid are greatly under-rated. So Bogosian will have help while he develops into the extraordinary player he could be. Fatal Flaw: Pretty much everything other than Bogosian and the other-worldly Ilya Kovalchuk is cause for concern. Ron Hainsey is the team’s highest-paid defenseman, Kari Lehtonen just doesn’t seem to be interested in becoming the goalie he was projected to be, and a rookie out of the Golden Horseshoe Junior B Hockey League that weighs less than my laptop but skates like the wind (Daultan Leveille) could actually be their best option to centre Ilya Kovalchuk, What If the Thrashers had used their first-ever draft pick on Mikhail Donika (last overall, Dallas, zero NHL games) instead of Patrik Stefan (first overall, Atlanta, 732 concussions)? Would they be any worse off? Projected finish: 13th BOSTON BRUINS Best Asset: Overall talent. Nobody is going to confuse these Bruins with the Phil Esposito era, but they have a nice collection of talent up front with Marc Savard and Patrice Bergeron leading the way. Marco Sturm and Chuck Kobasew are still sleeper-type guys that could break out for 60 points at any time. Michael Ryder should easily get back to 30 goals feeding on a diet of Savard’s beautiful passes. Milan Lucic isn’t the second coming of Cam Neeley, but he sure can play game. Phil Kessel, David Krejci and Vladimir Sobotka round out a top nine that could grow into one of the league’s top forward groups. On the blue line, same thing. Zdeno Chara leads this mostly young group of defensemen that will continue to learn on the fly and develop this season. Fatal Flaw: Manny Fernandez. Sorry, Manny, but this is a salary cap world, and your $4.3 million cap hit leaves the Bruins pretty well right up against the ceiling. Fernandez has to go if the Bruins are going to make any kind of additions at the trading deadline. What If Stephane Yelle could skate? He’s one of the best penalty killers in the league, and his hockey IQ is off the charts. His impact can’t be measured with stats. Projected finish: 5th BUFFALO SABRES Best Asset: Derek Roy. Derek Roy. Derek Roy, and just once more for good measure, Derek Roy. He skates, he hits, he scores, he kills penalties, he wins faceoffs. He’s Lou Lamoriello’s wet dream. Seriously, I have no doubt Lou spends nights crying, lamenting having chosen Adrian Foster four picks ahead of Roy in the 2001 Entry Draft. But enough about Lou, Derek Roy enjoyed a break-out season in 2008, and if Tom Vanek and Max Afinogenov can stop playing like assholes, they could help him get to the 100-point plateau. Fatal Flaw: The aforementioned Vanek and Afinogenov have proven enigmatic and inconsistent. The rest of the Sabres’ offense is made up of infirmary regulars (Tim Connolly, Methuselah Teppo Numminen) and the grinder types that you can’t win without, but can’t rely of to get the win. Plus Patrick Kaleta seemed to go out of his way in Rochester to prove to the world that he is, in fact, the world’s biggest sonofabitch. What If the Sabres had been able to retain any of Miro Satan, J-P Dumont, Dan Briere, Chris Drury, Curtis Brown, Jay McKee or Brian Campbell? Projected finish: 11th CAROLINA HURRICANES Best Asset: Speed. The Hurricanes are an extraordinarily-fast team, with mobile defensemen and forwards that understand the defensive side of the game. That speed has helped to provide the Hurricanes with one of the league’s most prolific offences since the lockout. Last season injuries slowed the Hurricanes, and may again this season with Rod Brind’Amour and Justin Williams both sidelined to start the year. Eric Staal quietly had his best season yet in 2008, while Matt Cullen resumed his role in Carolina as though he’d never left. If Sergei Samsonov can continue the unlikely resurgence he enjoyed last season with Carolina, this team will continue to kill with speed. Fatal Flaw: Age. The Canes have some young guns, but their most important players are Brind’Amour (38), Frantisek Kaberle (34), Ray Whitney (36) and Scott Walker (35). This group could carry Carolina to glory for another year or two, but the Canes need to begin to pass the torch. What If the Canadian sports media were willing to admit the Carolina Hurricanes have a pretty special fan base? Sure, they’re a long way from selling out every game, but the fine folks of Carolina have taken a liking to their Canes, and this will be one of the league’s premiere markets within the next decade. Projected finish: 10th FLORIDA PANTHERS Best Asset: It just may be rookie head coach Peter DeBoer. By all accounts, and by having an extended look at the Panthers during their four days in Calgary and Edmonton this week, DeBoer has this team playing up-tempo, in-your-face hockey. That can only mean good things, and not only on the ice, but also at the turnstiles. As a long-time head coach in the Ontario Hockey League, DeBoer knows how to get the most out of young players. He also knows a thing or two about producing top-notch pivots (see Richards, Mike, PHI; Roy, Derek, BUF). The youth movement in Florida seemingly started a decade ago, and DeBoer is absolutely the right coach to finally get this team to reach their potential. Fatal Flaw: DeBoer is the third head coach the Panthers have had in the last four seasons. That kind of inconsistency has undoubtedly hurt the development of the “veteran” players on this roster. Players like Nathan Horton, Stephen Weiss, Jay Bouwmeester and Rostislav Olesz. Unless DeBoer and GM Jacques Martin are on the same page, following the same plan, the Panthers could be facing more of the same. What If the Todd Bertuzzi trade had worked out (as this writer thought it would) for the Panthers? It’s hard to think of a time when a team got fleeced quite as badly as Florida did in that trade, but in the end, maybe they’re better off without Mike Keenan calling the shots (I’m looking at you, Calgary). Projected finish: 12th MONTREAL CANADIENS Best Asset: Very quietly, the Canadiens have put together a lethal offense. Led by the best power play unit in the league last season, the Habs scored the second-most goals last season. And things look good for this team to improve their offensive output this year. Consider: the now-departed Michael Ryder was well below his career-average goals scored, Saku Koivu’s 56 points were way below his norm, Andrei Kostitsyn gave us a taste of things to come while younger brother Sergei chipped in an entirely respectable 27 points in 52 games, with increased power play time Roman Hamrlik should get back to 30 points, and they added Alex Tanguay-- a player that’s averaged nearly a point a game during his career (excluding last season). Fatal Flaw: Inconsistency. This team has shown a lack of focus for dangerously long stretches of time in the three years since the lockout. They couldn’t keep it together in the 2006 playoffs after Koivu got hurt, they couldn’t keep it together in the 2006-07 season and missed the playoffs after one of the worst “do-or-die” performances ever, then they fell apart when RJ Umberger started pumping pucks past Carey Price last spring. I’m calling out Koivu in this regard. The team doesn’t have the leadership to keep it together when the going gets tough (that said, there’s nobody tougher than Saku, which is what make it so strange). What If Patrick Roy had never left town? For one day in November, at least, it will feel that way, when his number 33 is raised to the rafters at the Bell Centre. But seriously, what if he’d never left? Projected Finish: 3rd NEW JERSEY DEVILS Best Asset: Everything old is new again, as Brian Rolston and Bobby Holik return to the swamp. Rolston brings some serious offensive punch to take some of the pressure off Brian Gionta. Holik brings defensive responsibility to help alleviate some of John Madden’s duties. With some new additions helping out in those key roles, look for Zack Parise and Travis Zajac to continue their offensive growth, while aging vets Patrik Elias and Jamie Langenbrunner try to rekindle some of the old magic. On defense, Johnny Oduya will continue his ascension into the ranks of the NHL’s best defensemen, while Paul Martin is already hiding in that group, and Andy Green will be given more responsibility this year. And, of course, Martin Brodeur will play Vezina-calibre hockey. Fatal Flaw: The Devils are counting on a lot of Ifs and creaky backs this season. Holik, Elias, Langenbrunner, these guys aren’t getting any younger, and it’s hard to imagine they can all start scoring in bunches again. What If head coach Brent Sutter is successful in his attempts to open up the Devils’ offense a little bit? If this team pulled a 180, and went Captials-style, they could run and gun with anybody-- even with all the question marks. Projected finish: 6th NEW YORK ISLANDERS Best Asset: The Isles have one of the best PR departments in all of hockey. This team is going to be lousy this season, but they’re saying all the right things, and appear to be making the right kinds of moves. The team has very high hopes for Kyle Okposo, and there’s no reason to believe he can’t reach whatever goals he and the team have set for him. The Mark Streit signing will bolster the power play, but it’s hard to tell if any of Bill Guerin, Doug Weight and Mike Comrie (Oilers fans don’t feel so bad about all those guys leaving town nowadays) can actually still skate fast enough to draw a penalty. The defense, anchored by Brendan Witt and Radek Martinek, and back-stopped by Rick DiPietro, will be sound, and should keep most games close. Fatal Flaw: But in the end, the Islanders will ice a glorified AHL team. Sean Bergenheim projects as a first-line player. Not good. What If the Islanders knew how to keep young players in the fold? Going back to 1997, the Islanders have traded away the following first-round selections: Roberto Luongo, Eric Brewer, Tim Connolly, Taylor Pyatt, Raffi Torres and Robert Nilsson, as well as the pick Ottawa used to select Jason Spezza in 2001, and the rest of the first three rounds of the 2001 draft. And just to really stick their noses in it, the Isles also drafted Wade Redden and Todd Bertuzzi with first-round picks. Projected finish: 15th NEW YORK RANGERS Best Asset: A plan, and a commitment to building through the draft. Fatal Flaw: What’s that? The Rangers have just one of their first-round picks from the last 10 drafts in their lineup? Oh my. Well, so much for building through the draft and being patient. The Rangers went heavy on the free agents last summer, but because it was Scott Gomez and Chris Drury (with a dash of Brendan Shanahan), the moves were seen as savvy and wise. This past summer, not so much. Free agent signings Wade Redden and Markus Naslund are, outside of Glen Sather, the only people that don’t know they’re done. And the trade with Columbus that sent Fedor Tyutin away?? For Nik Zherdev?? Glen Sather, you are the New York Rangers’ fatal flaw. What If the Rangers hadn’t pushed Jaromir Jagr out the door with the Gomez and Drury signings? Maybe Alex Cherepanov comes over from Russia sooner, maybe Brandon Dubinsky and Ryan Callahan are playing meaningful minutes and developing quickly. Maybe this team isn’t headed for a monumental collapse. Projected finish: 9th OTTAWA SENATORS Best Asset: Daniel Alfredsson, and his seemingly endless commitment to this team and their fans. I don’t know where this team is without Alfredsson, but it can’t be pretty. It’s hard to imagine a more anonymous group of forwards than the one that took to the ice in Ottawa last season, but despite that, the Senators were the highest-scoring team in the NHL last season. New head coach Craig Hartsburg has used the pre-season as an opportunity to see what the offense looks like when the Alfredsson-Jason Spezza-Dany Heatley line is broken up, but it’s hard to imagine the likes of Jarkko Ruutu, Josh Hennessy or Jessie Winchester leading this team back to the top offensive spot. Fatal Flaw: The back end. The Senators may be the most successful team ever to ignore the “build from the net out” axiom, and they’ll take their chances again this year with Martin Gerber in goal, and a defense corps riddled with holes after the top pairing of Chris Phillips and Anton Volchenkov. The Senators botched the Andrej Meszaros situation, newcomer Jason Smith is well past his prime, but remains an excellent leader. Brian Lee is a highly-touted prospect, but unproven, and Christoph Schubert has spent most of the last two seasons at forward. This could get messy. What If Jason Spezza can stay healthy and motivated for a whole season? I’ve been saying it for years, and once again, this could be Spezza’s Art Ross year. Projected finish: 8th PHILADELPHIA FLYERS Best Asset: Leadership. In the early stages of last season, the Flyers faced a number of long suspensions, and coming off a year in which they won just 22 and finished dead last, that kind of disruption could have easily derailed the 2007-08 campaign. But the Flyers kept it together, led by Mike Richards in just about every imaginable way. The Flyers handled talk of a goaltending controversy, a possible coaching change, and injuries with ease, en route to a 39-point improvement and a trip to the Eastern Conference Final. The Flyers remain mostly unchanged heading into the new season, and they’ll face great expectations. Fatal Flaw: The defense corps remains painfully immobile, but amazingly effective. Thanks to a performance for the ages from RJ Umberger, the Flyers were able to get past a speedy Montreal team in the playoffs, but were no match for the Penguins in the East Final. Bringing in Ossi Vaananen, and giving youngsters Ryan Parent and Braydon Coburn will help, but these guys are hardly Norris Trophy winners. What If Simon Gagne is at full capacity this season, after missing almost all of last season with a concussion? This team should be very, very dangerous this season. Projected finish: 1st PITTSBURGH PENGUINS Best Asset: The Penguins have a player named Sidney Crosby who may have big things in store. In all seriousness, the Penguins have at least as much top-end talent in Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Sergei Gonchar and Marc-Andre Fleury as any team in the league. It’s everything after those four players that leaves one wondering. Fatal Flaw: Miro Satan, Ruslan Fedotenko, Pascal Dupuis, these are fine hockey players, but it will be interesting to see if they can give Crosby and Malkin extra time and space in which to operate. Further, there’s no guarantee they’ll be adequate beneficiaries of Crosby and Malkin’s considerable talents. The Pens will start the year without Gonchar and Ryan Whitney, both because of injury, and I don’t much care that this team played in the Stanley Cup Final last season when they’ll start this season with Mark Eaton, Brooks Orpik, Hal Gill and Kris Letang as their top four defensemen. With a healthy Gonchar and Whitney, this team could get back to the Final, but the should expect a slow start. What If the Penguins stumble out of the gate? They’ll play 10 of their first 16 games against teams that made the playoffs last season without their top two defensemen. Even if Gonchar is back inside of six weeks, Whitney will be longer, and this team could find itself well behind the eight-ball by the All-Star break. Projected finish: 4th TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING Best Asset: Firepower is this season’s buzz word in Tampa. The Bolts enter the season with Martin St-Louis and Vincent Lecavalier still firing on all cylinders, with Vaclav Prospal, Radim Vrbata and Ryan Malone to supply strong secondary offense, and 2008 first overall pick Steven Stamkos looking to make his mark. Gary Roberts has been added from Pittsburgh as well to bring veteran leadership and grit-- and to sit at the dressing room stall next to Stamkos’. The Bolts’ offense ranked 16th in the league last season, and is sure to improve. Fatal Flaw: I like Paul Ranger, I really do. I think he’s a smart young defenseman, and some day, he’s going to be very good. But I’m not sure he’s ready to lead this group to success. He played well at times, and struggled at times, playing 25 minutes a game last season, and it’s hard to think more minutes, surrounded by a younger, more inexperienced group, will help his development. What If the defense can minimize the number of second chances their opposition gets, and what if they can keep most scoring chances to the outside? Mike Smith is good enough to keep this team in most games if the defense can hold at all. Projected finish: 7th TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS Best Asset: Vesa Toskala won 33 games for the Leafs last season, backstopping an atrocious team. It’s hard to imagine a scenario in which the Leafs win 36 games again this season, but no matter how few or many they win, Toskala will be the primary reason almost every time. Fatal Flaw: Nothing against Nik Antropov personally, but this guy is not your prototypical first-line centre. He’s barely a second-line centre. The Leafs just don’t have a lot of talent, and every game they play this season will be a testament to that fact. That’s not to say new head coach Ron Wilson won’t have this team working hard every night, but hard work doesn’t make up for the fact they’ll be facing the likes of Marc Savard, Patrice Bergeron, Derek Roy, Tom Vanek, Jason Spezza, Dany Heatley and Alex Kovalev in nearly half their games. What If Toskala plays out of his mind, Pavel Kubina and Tomas Kaberle morph into the second coming of Bobby Orr and Larry Robinson, and hell freezes over? Even if all that happened, I still wouldn’t put money on the possibility of the Leafs making the playoffs. Projected finish: 14th WASHINGTON CAPITALS Best Asset: Alex Ovechkin. Everything about him. I love the way this guy plays the game, I love his enthusiasm on the ice, I love the way his team mates rally around him and love him. Ovechkin is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of player, the way he mixes speed, scoring, physical play, and the way he seems to truly treasure every minute he spends on the ice. With a full, healthy season from both Sergei Fedorov and Alexander Semin, as well as the continued growth of Nicklas Backstrom and Mike Green, this team should only improve on their improbable Southeast title last season. Fatal Flaw: The Caps were able to sneak up on just about everyone last season, as defending division champs, they obviously won’t have that luxury this year. It will be interesting to see if the Caps’ wide-open, run-n-gun style will continue to propel them to victory this season (here’s hoping), or if defenses will have found a way to slow them down (please no). What If the Capitals can make a deep run playing fun-to-watch, break-neck paced hockey? Will the Minnesotas and Anaheims go away? Projected finish: 2nd

LMITR Classic Movie Review - Hellbound

Two shout-outs are required to lead into this week’s entry. First, to my friend Christina for introducing me to Pajiba. And second, to Pajiba. Their regular feature “Hangover Theatre” is the inspiration for today’s entry, though I wasn‘t even remotely hung over while watching the movie. The scene: some time in late 1994 or early 1995. I’m 12 years old and horsing around with some friends, an armament of Nerf guns, and unfamiliar surroundings. As always, it adds up to disaster when I crack the back of my head open on the edge of a mantle made of rock. So after a trip to the emergency room (no stitches needed, hurrah!), my friends and my concussed brain decide it’s a good idea to get a movie. We found one called Hellbound. I have always had very strong memories of loving this movie. It’s not just a Chuck Norris classic, to my mind (which was concussed at the time of viewing), it’s THE Chuck Norris classic. My one great hope from all the “Chuck Norris Facts” and the ensuing resurrection of his popularity is that this classic piece of cinema would finally get a DVD release. A recent trip to a local cd shop answered my prayers when I found a Chuck Norris Triple Feature DVD featuring Hellbound. Now, finally, more than 13 years after the original viewing, it‘s time for a repeat viewing. This is Hellbound. OK, holy crap. That is one bad movie. I won’t even get into a full review here because I actually turned the movie off. Instead, I recommend you head out to your local film festival (Toronto and Calgary are both on now) and see something you normally wouldn’t. There’s no way it will be as bad as Hellbound.

Nickels For Your Nightmares

I received something tremendously helpful in the mail this week. In fact, I received two of these somethings, and I’d like to tell you all about it. I consider myself a fairly charitable person. I’ve never had a lot of money to donate to the causes I support, but I always have time and energy to devote to those causes-- with the intention of convincing people that do have money to cough it up. But, no more! You see, on consecutive days this week, I received information from charitable organizations in the mail. The mailers informed me that for just a nickel, I could make a difference. First, on Tuesday, an envelope from UNICEF telling me “a nickel could save a child’s life” Wednesday I was asked “can a nickel really help end MS?” Included in the UNICEF envelope was a two-page letter describing the work UNICEF does (all very commendable), a postage-paid return envelope (presumably for my donation cheque), three dozen very lovely, full-colour, personalized address labels, and a nickel. Yes, perhaps even the very nickel that could save a child’s life. From the letter, “Every nickel counts.” A proclamation the fine folks at UNICEF found important enough to not only italicize, but also underline and include as a post-script. Now, apparently prepared for jackasses like me to receive these envelopes with nickels and opportunities to save lives, they’ve even included another piece of paper detailing the fact their campaign is supposedly more successful when they send an actual nickel than when they just send $1.25 worth of paper and stickers. Furthermore, the nickel was a brand new 2008 nickel, which leads me to believe UNICEF even has some kind of deal worked out with the Royal Canadian Mint to get first crack at the new nickels. I can’t imagine those sorts of deals come for free. The MS Society, they at least used a little less paper (actually, a lot less), but the whole sheet of paper is a roll of stickers. They sent 90 return address stickers to me-- featuring exotic birds, don’t cha know. And, of course, a nickel. Again, a brand new 2008 nickel, with a giant thumb print, and upside down on the page. UNICEF may have wasted more money sending this junk to me, but at least their nickel was facing the right way. I understand these great causes need all the support they can get, and lord knows I’d rather have a mailbox full of this crap than to have to watch those oh-so-depressing commercials. But there has got to be a better way than actually sending nickels to people. All getting a nickel from these organizations did for me was to piss me off. And now I’ve decided they must actually be pretty well-off if they’re sending nickels all over the country. Let’s say they mail this junk to just 10,000 Canadians. According to the literature, that $500 could practically pay for a whole air-drop worth of medical supplies, or pay for a MS-patient’s caregiver for a week. So now who’s the jackass? Me for shitting all over these charities’ ridiculous campaigns? Or these charities for wasting money that other hard-working Canadians have donated? Image source: right here on Blogger

The Only Thing More Fun Than 2 Girls 1 Cup

This Wednesday, the first beams of energy are scheduled to be sent through the Large Hadron Collider far below the French-Swiss border. What is the Large Hadron Collider? It’s a particle accelerator-- which really is just what it sounds like. It also happens to be the biggest, highest-energy particle accelerator ever built. They’re going to turn this machine on, fire particle beams through it, and see what happens. Some time around October 21, they’re going to start launching these beams toward one another-- as the “Collider“ part of the name suggests. Responsible people in the scientific community admit this little experiment could lead to the end of the world-- no matter how incredibly unlikely. Less responsible types actually guarantee it. Some folks even tried to have a legal injunction shut the LHC down. Particle accelerators have been around since the 1930s without killing us all, and there’s no real reason to think this one will be any different. Except for this. While Hadron colliders have been around since the 1970s, this one is, again, the most powerful one ever built. By about seven times. Which frankly, sounds just a little unnerving. But it’s hard to get a true read on how unnerving it should be, and what the possible consequences of turning on the LHC this week. So much of the information available is laden with hyperbole and exaggeration that it’s almost impossible to know what to believe. The Loudest Man in the Room is here to sort it out for you. Don’t believe any of it. Let’s put it this way, I’m a lot more afraid of the leftover fries I ate today than I am of the LHC. Wednesday will pass, and many scientists will slap each others’ backs and congratulate one another for their glorious experiment (which it is). And October 21 will also come to pass with nary a hint of the apocalypse. Now, all that isn’t to say it’s not fun to get people worked up about this thing. I’ve spent the last few days having a lot of fun scaring people out of their wits with this thing. But please. We’re going to be fine. Probably.

I sure as hell don't trust 'em

Right, so this is a couple of days overdue, and I’m sorry for that. My head was in a little place I like to call the Labour Day clouds over the weekend. So let’s get down to business.

Raise your hand if you can honestly say you’ve changed your hair style three times in the last four years.

Alcoholic beverage of choice? Shampoo? Bought three cds or books? Rode the bus? Moved? Seen a genuinely good movie?

Called a federal election?

That’s right folks, we’re headed there again. October 14 looks to be the day. And frankly, the timing couldn’t be better. We’re doing everything we can in this country to limit inflation and avoid a recession, so naturally, the best next step to take is to call an election and potentially change governments again (as an overly-dramatic example, let’s see how well Zimbabwe’s economy is faring with political unrest). Lovely. And in all likelihood, we’ll wrangle ourselves another minority government that can’t actually do any real governing.

And the cost to the taxpayer? Election rules state the parties can spend a maximum of $18 million and change on their campaigns. So let’s say the Conservatives and Liberals each spend to the max, while the NDP, Green Party, and the independents combine to spend to the max. How many doctors and nurses could we hire with $54 million? Police officers? Teachers? How many MRI machines? How many schools could keep their art or music programs with $54 million?

Shoot, $54 million probably even goes a long way in buying bullshit Kyoto Accord environmental credits.

The point, as it was in 2006, is that as great as this country is, and as well-off as most Canadians really are, we have a long way to go before every person in this country has a proper education and enough food in the belly. And until we get there, we should stop throwing $50 million away every other year in federal elections.

Image stolen from www.istockphoto.com

Loudest DVD review

So my cable’s been screwed for weeks. But that’s not what this is about. See, that’s just how I lead into the way this here entry came about. See while my cable’s been screwed, it seems the only times I’ve been able to see a clear picture or enjoy clear audio are the times an ad for this Smart People movie shows up. So I think about it. I figure, I like Dennis Quaid. He was brilliant as the oaf president in American Dreamz; his brother was brilliant in Independence Day; and uh... well his film resume isn’t littered with offensive crap. Thomas Haden Church was good in Ned and Stacey, and while I’m not certain he’s appeared in anything since, he’s also on that inoffensive list. And they’re both pretty funny. So if nothing else, we’re looking at serious potential for high comedy. I even overlooked two critical facts. First, since Ellen Page is on the movie, I would look like one of those creepy, dirty old men that like women that look like 11-year old boys. And second, the creepiest and most overbearingly unattractive person in all of Hollywood, Sarah Jessica Parker, would be “gracing” my tv screen, and haunting my dreams. Seriously, if this woman were cursorily attractive, men would have watched Sex & the City. But I digress. Again, despite the impending nightmares, and potential to be locked up like I have the nude Miley Cyrus photos, I gave the movie a try. About 20 minutes in, Ellen Page takes her dead mother’s clothes to the local Goodwill without her dad’s knowledge. The next scene we see is Dennis Quaid buying back all of his dead wife’s clothes. Amazingly, that’s not even the saddest part of this movie. It actually gets worse. And more grating. And so full of bad indie music that’s trying to sound like The Pretenders, just to avoid using a song anyone’s ever heard. And somewhere in all this jailbait, bad music, and horse-faced romance, we’re supposed to believe this insufferable prick played by Quaid—the kind of asshole that writes a book called You Can’t Read—transforms into this loving, caring, cuddly and happy guy. Wow. Pretentious doesn’t even begin to describe this piece of crap. Avoid this movie at all costs.

Bigfoot exists

Friday morning I got to work in time to find the most amazing link ever had made its way to my inbox.

It was a link to a CNN article (again, CNN, not The Onion) about a pair of guys from some backwoods town that claimed to have found... BIGFOOT!

And not just THE Bigfoot, but a whole family/herd of Bigfoot-like critters.

The article said these guys were going to hold a press conference to unveil some sort of DNA that was supposed to prove this was the real deal.

I’ll spare the suspense, and I’ll spoil the ending: as always, the Bigfoot discovery turned out to be a hoax. I can only imagine you’re as surprised reading that as I was typing it. ::eyeroll::

But there was a period of 15 minutes or so, while I was forwarding the email to anyone and everyone in the office, that I was actually quite hopeful this was the real thing. You know how that is. At one point, you’ve probably tried really hard to believe something. Like, Jack Black is funny, or the girl/guy in the next cubical desperately wants to have sex with you, or this really is the Maple Leafs year. We all do it.

I’m no psychology expert, but I’m sure one could tell you all the details about these little fantasies that help us make it through the day. So for a very brief period Friday morning, my fantasy was to hope this Bigfoot was real. So when it came crashing down, as expected, I was a little disappointed with the inevitable outcome.

Still no Bigfoot, but hey, maybe next year. I’ll leave you with an actual quote from the San Jose Mercury News, from Matthew Whitton, one of the discoverers: “It seems like there are lot of people in the Bigfoot world who are a little delusional.”

WTF Steve?

Hey all, yeah, I know. I told you there'd be more regular content than the old blog. I say a lot of things. Mostly, though, I went on vacation, and I'm actually still on vacation, and I have no intention of adding any new content until said vacay is over. So maybe I'll have something here Thursday, but more than likely, we're looking at Sunday evening updates from now on. See you in a week. In the meantime, I'm really not sure what this is all about, but it seems like it's worth sharing.

I'll show you indecency

Fantastic news, everyone! Free speech, freedom of nudity, and freedom of Super Bowl halftime shows struck a huge blow to the freedom-crushing, soulless bastards at the FCC. Well, technically, it was a federal appeals court striking these blows, but the source is hardly the point. The point is this: CBS is no longer being fined more than a half-million dollars for Janet Jackson's infamous "wardrobe malfunction." While it seems like that phrase has been in our hearts and minds forever, it's actually only been around since 2004, which, in case you're counting along at home, means this fine has been tied up in a variety of appeals and courts for more than four years. Seeing how it takes four years to decide whether or not a giant corporation should shell out $500, 000 (which is typically less than the price of a minute of ad time during said halftime show), maybe 48 years to have a wrongful murder conviction overturned doesn't seem so long. And a 20-plus-year investigation into the Air India disaster certainly seems warranted. Good God, what have the Canadian and American legal systems come to? From where I sit, they appear to be nothing but a mockery of justice.

Take that you stupid bitch

Amazingly, that title is not directed toward any of my exes, currents, or potentials-that-spurned-me. Nope, that's all for Grey's Anatomy star Katherine Heigl. As reported oh-so long ago by the great WWTDD, this snotty little bitch refused to defend her reign over whatever hunk of plastic they give away to commemorate the garbage they put on my tv every night, because she felt the material she was working with wasn't up to par this past season. Now I've never watched a whole episode of Grey's, but one need not watch the show to know the old cliche that you don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Hands up: who out there knew Heigl before her turn on Grey's? This chick had a run of made-for-TV movies more impressive than your the average hitting streak. She went seven out of eight-- including the made-for-TV sequel to Romy & Michele's High School Reunion. That's damn impressive. She lands a part on a seemingly strong show, wins a hunk of plastic, ruins an otherwise enjoyable Judd Apatow movie, gets plastered all over dorm-room walls, and is suddenly too good for the show that made her famous. Amazing. Well the folks over at Grey's have never been known to put up with this kind of crap from the show's stars (see Washington, Isaiah). And it turns out Heigl's no exception. Rumour today is that the Grey's folks are going to kill her off next season. Well done, and hats off to you Grey's. You made her, not the other way 'round. P.S. Memo to Major League Baseball, Young children love the Home Run Derby. I understand the allure of prime time, but 9 p.m. ET is too late for this event to start. Parents don't let seven- and eight-year olds stay up that late-- even if it is summer holidays.

Debased

Among all of the other fun Canada Day activities (laying on the couch watching TSN, fireworks, BBQs, free concerts, etc.), the Order of Canada's recipients are named. As it turns out, some people have issue with the Order of Canada's selections for this year. Namely, the always loving Roman Catholic Archbishop of Toronto. While I've never heard of this guy, and I'm sure this is the last time we'll have to hear from him (you know, until the next Catholic priests-and-little boys scandal), he's decided he knows more about what's important in Canada than anyone else. He says Canada's highest honour has been debased by having been awarded to Dr. Harvey Morgentaler. Now this is in no way intended to be a God-bashing rant, or church-bashing rant, or even an anti-religion rant. I know many beautiful, wonderful people from all sorts of backgrounds and belief structures, and it's one of the best things about living in Canada. But there are times when the Catholic church just takes things too far (10 commandments of driving, anyone?), and this is one of those times. One of this year's recipients, Dr. Henry Morgentaler, is a man I don't know much about him either. But Wikipedia tells me he's Polish, survived the Holocaust, and was a medical practitioner in Montreal. I've seen some pretty baseless things in Montreal, but surely he must have been rather evil for the Catholic church to come at him. Maybe it's this: he's performed abortions and fought for a woman's right to choose in Canada for more than 50 years. There are few things in this country, or any other country in the world quite as controversial as abortions. But if I may climb atop my soapbox for a moment, I believe Jay said it best in Dogma when he said "A woman's body's her own fuckin' business." So what did the good doctor get for 50 years of fighting for equality and individual freedom? Several trips in front of the Supreme Court and a life of legal battles, attacked with garden shears, and a bombing in one of his clinics. And the admiration and thanks of countless women in this country. And now, the Order of Canada. As soon as Catholic priests can keep their pants on in the rectory, they can have a say again when it comes to right and wrong. For now, let's leave right and wrong in the hands of people trying to make sure freedom always has a place in this world.

Free agent day

11:24 am

Let’s start free agent day by catching up on this week’s trades leading up to free agency.

The Pittsburgh Penguins and Tampa Bay Lightning kicked things off with a trade involving Ryan Malone and Gary Roberts. The Bolts sent a draft pick to Pittsburgh in exchange for negotiation rights, and quickly got both forwards re-signed. Everyone saw the kind of rugged, hard-nosed play these two characters bring during the Pens run to the Stanley Cup Final, and they should help turn around a talented but direction-less Lightning squad.

Just two weeks ago on draft day I was very critical of the Bolts, but new ownership is making all the right moves right off the bat. This team should be able to get things turned around very quickly. In addition to Malone and Roberts, the Bolts also acquired the rights to negotiate with Brian Rolston from Minnesota. Though they were unable to come to terms with the former Wild captain, it was another very strong move that would have taken the leadership in the room to a whole new level.

Suddenly I find myself wondering what the hell the Penguins are trying to do.

Heading west, the Edmonton Oilers started to shake things up, trading Jarret Stoll and tough-as-nails defenseman Matt Greene to the Los Angeles Kings in exchange for Lubomir Visnovsky. I don’t much like this deal from the Edmonton perspective. Stoll is a good leader and good penalty killer, Greene is a developing defenseman with lots of upside, both with do very well with the Kings. As for Visnovsky, he is a pretty skilled defenseman, but he isn’t much of an upgrade over Joni Pitkanen. I’m not certain this deal makes the Oilers better.

The Oilers made two other deals while we were all napping, sending Pitkanen to Carolina in exchange for Erik Cole, and sending Raffi Torres to Columbus for Gilbert Brule. The Hurricanes seemingly wouldn’t know what to do with a puck-moving defenseman since I don’t remember the last time they had one, but Pitkanen should help them out. Going the other way, Cole is very Torres-like, but has shown more offensive ability in the past. If Cole can shake the injury problems that have dogged him since the lockout, he could become a force for the Oilers. Brule is a bit of an enigma. He has all the talent anyone could ask for, but the Jackets may have mis-handled him, and a fresh start could be what he needs. As for Torres, he’ll bring some much needed sandpaper to the Jackets.

If nothing else, the new-look Oilers will be interesting to watch next season.

11:49 am

Thankfully, the early part of the day is usually pretty tame. So far, we've seen Radim Vrbata leave the board, signing a three-year, $9 million deal with Tampa Bay and forcing me to amend my previous statement about the Bolts making all the right moves. If Vrbata reaches his offensive potential in the next three seasons, the deal becomes a steal. If he doesn't, it's not a back-breaker, but it's money that could have been used elsewhere.

Boston signed Blake Wheeler to an entry-level deal. If you're asking who Wheeler is, you're not alone. Wheeler was Phoenix's first-round selection at the 2004 draft, fifth overall. The Coyotes went way off the board to take the high schooler, who they were unable to sign. The big forward has loads of talent, but he's not expected to be NHL-ready any time this season.

After spending a half season in Calgary, Curtis Joseph is heading back to Toronto, which should make exactly four Maple Leafs fans happy. Joseph's very messy and very public split with the Leafs before the 2002-03 season was well documented, and it should be interesting to see what kind of reception he gets upon his return.

Staying with the Leafs, after putting Kyle Wellwood on waivers last week, Wellwood was picked up by the Vancouver Canucks, and has accepted a qualifying offer for this upcoming season. Wellwood is a strong penalty killer, and a very good faceoff man. The Canucks should be please with him.

12:06 pm

Marek Zidlicky's time in the Music City has come to an end. The Preds shipped the puck-moving defenseman to Minnesota for a pick and a prospect. Zidlicky was the Predators top scoring blue liner two of the last four seasons, and should help to boost the Wild's power play.

12:10 pm

Not finished, the Wild have signed Andrew Brunette. Terms of the deal weren't immediately available. Brunette played with the Wild from 2001 to 2004, scoring the series-winning goal to send them to the 2003 Western Conference Final. Brunette has flourished in three seasons in Colorado since then, and should bring some extra offense this time around in Minnesota.

12:34 pm

In less time than it took for me to make and eat a sandwich, the Canucks did something questionable. Sportsnet is reporting the Canucks have offered a two-year, $20 million deal to Mats Sundin. Thanks for pricing every other team out, jerks.

1:12 pm

After trading for Olli Jokinen at the draft, the Coyotes continue to rebuild by signing stud defenseman Kurt Sauer to a four-year deal. Sauer is a solid fourth defender that won't rack up big points, but he hits, blocks shots, and is the kind of guy it's hard to win without. The Yotes still need some depth on the blue line, but are putting together a very strong core.

In an odd twist, the Washington Capitals have signed Jose Theodore to a two-year deal with $9 million. Should the Caps also re-sign Cristobal Huet, the pair would team up again as they did in Montreal in 2005-06. Smart money, though, says Huet will be allowed to sign elsewhere. Theodore started to round back into form in Colorado, but is still nowhere near the Hart Trophy level of 2001-02. It's a bold move by the Caps, but they still need to draft a develop a goalie some day.

Not to be outdone, Theodore's former employer, the Colorado Avalanche have signed former Maple Leaf Andrew Raycroft. He is coming off an absolutely abysmal season in Toronto, but is just one season removed from setting a Maple Leafs record with 37 wins in 2006-07. With expectations at an all-time low, Raycroft can't be any worse in Colorado than he was in Toronto.

1:24 pm

Recapping small trades from earlier, Rene Bourque to Calgary and Denis Gauthier to LA.

Detroit signs Ty Conklin. "Can't beat 'em, join 'em" was apparently Conklin's thought process there. Conklin had a spectacular run last season with Pittsburgh before relinquishing the starting job to incumbent Marc-Andre Fleury for the post-season run. One more piece of Pittsburgh's puzzle has flown the coop, while Detroit picks up a rock-solid backup goalie that has shown he can carry a team if necessary.

Tough guy Todd Fedoruk goes to Phoenix.

1:30 pm

Let the Finger Era begin in Toronto. The Leafs signed Jeff Finger to a very reasonable (snicker) four-year deal worth $3.5 millian a year (snicker). Finger is a steady young defenseman, but I can't help but wonder how 24 points in 94 NHL games is worth $14 million. Well done, Cliff.

1:44 pm

Tampa Bay continues to rebuild in the Penguins' image, signing Adam Hall to a dirt-cheap three-year, $1.8 million deal. I love this signing. There's nothing quite like basically taking the defending conference champion's third line.

1:54 pm

Tough guys Eric Godard and Aaron Voros sign with Pittsburgh and the Rangers, respectively. Corey Stillman heads back to the Southeast division signing with Florida-- not too sure what the Panthers see in Stillman. He's well past his prime. And the Chicago Blackhawks made their firt foray into the market signing Cristobal Huet. No terms available just yet, but here's hoping they were a little more reserved with the Huet signing than the ill-fated Nik Khabibulin signing before the lockout. Huet worked wonders with the young defenses he played behind in Montreal and Washington, and he should be a big-time steadying influence in Chicago. He's an almost perfect fit for the Hawks.

2:23 pm

I've been waiting a long time for this: Darcy Tucker is no longer a Maple Leaf! Tucker to Colorado for a fairly reasonable $4.5 million over two years. This is a guy that's approached 30 goals several times, is hard-as-nails in the corners, works magic on the power play (mostly by banging home garbage goals), and is an absolute terror to play against. We've had our run-ins in the past, but basically all of my loathing for Tucker stemmed from the jersey he wore. Fans in Denver are going to love this guy.

Olaf Kolzig is off to Tampa Bay for one year. I like this move. They're getting him on the cheap ($1.5 million plus bonuses), and he'll help lessen the load for Mike Smith, who's never played a full season. Another great move by the Bolts.

2:35 pm

Don't call it an upgrade. Alex Auld to Ottawa. Auld has been a fine goalie everywhere he's been, but he's never been able to take the next step and become a true number one. I don't see any way Auld is the guy to give Ottawa a Stanley Cup parade.

3:33 pm

Patrick Lalime: still in the National Hockey League. Two years, $2 million, Buffalo.

3:48 pm

TSN is reporting Brian Campbell to Chicago is a done deal for eight years, $7.1 million a year. The move puts the Hawks over the cap, and Campbell rounds out a very strong young defense corps that includes Cam Barker, Duncan Keith, Brent Seabrook and James Wisniewski all 25 and under, and a Brent Sopel leading the way phyisically. Again, Huet is probably the perfect goalie for this team, and Campbell is perfect for the power play, giving Barker and Seabrook some time and room to develop their defensive skills. That they're over the cap is of concern, and makes the Windy City a place to keep an eye on for the next few days.

4:16 pm

Reporting the Jeff Finger deal, Cory Woron from TSN's Sportscentre could barely contain his laughter. I'm with Pierre McGuire on the Mike Commodore deal. Five years and $18-plus million is just ridiculous. This guy had one good year BEFORE the lockout. Ossi Vaananen: still in the NHL. Philadelphia locks Vaananen up for one year and $1 million.

TSN is also reporting Brian Rolston is about to sign in New Jersey for $20 million over four years. I have to say here, Rolston is number one on my board. Of all the guys already signed, he's the one that can make the most impact with his new club. He's scored at least 19 goals in each of the last seven seasons, including four seasons of 31 goals or more.

4:56 pm

In the ho-hum category we have Patrick Rissmiller to the Rangers, Glen Metropolit to Philadelphia and Darcy Hordichuk to Vancouver.

The Maple Leafs have added forward Niklas Hagman to the fold, paying him just slightly less than they'll pay Jeff Finger: $12 million. Hagman's at least got a few years' experience, having played 481 NHL games, but to suggest his 80 goals in that time is worth $3 million a year is ridiculous. Way to go, Cliff.

The Rangers have signed Michael Rozsival to a four-year deal worth $20 million. Roazsival was one of the top defensemen available, and the Rangers need to be ecstatic to be keeping him in the fold.

5:05 pm

Per Facebook, my buddy Darell is reporting the Oilers have signed Marian Hossa.

5:26 pm

Bobby Holik signs a one-year deal to go back to New Jersey. Frankly, he should never have left. Holik is well past his prime now, but he's still a great leader and can put up serviceable offensive numbers. He'll be welcomed back into the swamp with open arms and does make the Devils a better club.

5:40 pm

Six years and $39 million for Wade Redden from the Rangers. OMFG! Redden's skills have been slipping very quickly in the last couple of years, to the point the Ottawa Senators had been trying like hell to move him in a trade. Terrible deal for the Rangers. Six months from now, they will be kicking themselves for this move.

Shuffling the deck

Three big trades at the NHL Entry Draft sent shockwaves through the league, shockwaves that will still be felt around the league as free agent season kicks off next week.

In the first move, the Calgary Flames acquired Mike Cammalleri from the L.A. Kings. Cammalleri is a smallish forward with outstanding skill. He is a more complete player than Alex Tanguay was for Calgary, and still has room to improve. The most surprising part of the move is that L.A. was willing to part with him. I can’t say I have any idea where Cammalleri fits in the Flames lineup, but obviously they’re hoping he clicks with captain Jarome Iginla to create a real scoring threat. The fact remains though, that Cammalleri can’t make up for a woeful defense corps that can’t bail out their goalie when Miikka Kiprusoff is having an off night.

With Cammalleri wrapped up, the Flames shipped the disgruntled Tanguay to Montreal—finally. Tanguay-to-Montreal rumours started at the beginning of last season with a Tanguay-for-Alex Kovalev swap that nearly everyone thought would come to fruition. Later, at the trading deadline, the rumour was Tanguay-for-Michael Ryder, before finally becoming Tanguay-for-picks. It should be interesting to see how Tanguay reacts to the Montreal media, since he wilted under the media here in Calgary. If he can handle the pressure, he should be a great fit on a line with Saku Koivu. Sadly, the acquisition of Tanguay almost certainly means Ryder’s days in Montreal are done.

The last big trade involved the Phoenix Coyotes. Yes, you read that right. Phoenix made their first big splash in ages, shipping a pair of young defensemen to Florida for Olli Jokinen. The former Panthers captain has missed just one game in the last five seasons, and is among the post-lockout scoring leaders with 251 points. He gives the Coyotes the kind of offensive threat they haven’t had since a young Keith Tkachuk called the desert home. Added to a mix of youngsters like Daniel Carcillo, Peter Mueller and Kyle Turris, it’s easy to see the Coyotes are no longer content to be in the club. The Coyotes are going to be 2008-09’s favourite darkhorse pick.

From the Florida side, they lost their captain, but gained two very steady, young defensemen. Keith Ballard and Nick Boynton are very reliable defenders, and both have a lot of potential waiting to be tapped. The concern is that Cats had 12 defensemen under contract at the end of the draft. The best I can figure is they’ll bring all 12 to training camp to get a good look at all of them, then make a move early in the season to try to get a forward. Or, they’re going to play two forwards and three d to try to give Tomas Vokoun some help.

Later, in smaller deals, the Flyers sent R.J. Umberger to Columbus for picks, and picked up Steve Eminger from Washington for picks. Eminger is a good depth move by the Flyers. During their improbable playoff run, their lack of blue line depth was exposed. As for the Jackets, on paper they’re completely out of excuses. If they still can’t make the playoffs this year (whether top pick Nikita Filatov comes over or not), look for GM Scott Howson to make big moves at the end of 08-09.

Conscription may suck, but the draft is great

There’s just something about draft day. I can’t really explain it, but it’s just an exciting event. I love watching the players’ reactions when they’re called to the podium, and it’s always fun to read all the posturing, and of course, the wheeling and dealing.

The 2008 NHL Entry Draft is almost certain to go down in infamy. Between Steven Stamkos’ potential, the overall depth of the draft pool, and significant trades dramatically altering the NHL landscape, this draft had it all.

We all know about Stamkos by now, and we all knew he was going to be selected first overall. I am not a fan at all of the way the Lightning organization is run, and I have no faith at all in their ability to foster the growth in Stamkos the hockey world is hoping to see. Time and again we’ve seen it in sports: a young player with great potential ends up in a bad situation, and the potential is lost.

Now, this is in no way intended to question Stamkos’ abilities. Having watched him a little, and having read about him, he seems to have the focus and the drive, and all the unquantifiables you want in a first-overall selection. This is entirely a damnation of the Lightning. Hell, they don’t even have a coach for this kid yet.

Moving along, because the draft was too exciting this year to focus on just Tampa Bay, at some point Nicklas Lidstrom is going to hit the back nine. It just has to happen. And when that time comes, the four young men selected after Stamkos will likely be ready to battle one another for a decade’s worth of Norris Trophies.

There is no questioning the potential for greatness Drew Doughty, Zach Bogosian, Alex Pietrangelo and Luke Schenn have. In a year without a clear-cut number one, the posturing to get at these four guys would have been incredible. Each is a “spice-to-taste” kind of player. They all bring different styles and different development needs, but there’s almost no doubt all four players will be stars for a long time.

By adding Doughty to a mix that already included Tom Preissing and Jack Johnson, and strong veterans like Rob Blake and Jon Klemm, the Kings will be looking to take enormous steps forward in the next few seasons. In Doughty and Johnson, the Kings may have the best young defensive pairing in the league. More on L.A. in a minute.

The Atlanta Thrashers hope by adding Bogosian they can begin to make up for a big mistake at the 2007 trading deadline. That mistake, of course, was dealing away Braydon Coburn only to watch him finally blossom with the Philadelphia Flyers this past season. Bogosian is seen by some as a project, but after watching Coburn languish in the minors before eventually giving up on him, it’s hard to imagine Atlanta makes the same mistake with Bogosian. Alongside their young core of Tobias Enstrom, Garnet Exelby, Steve McCarthy, Bogosian should be a good fit, and could be the missing piece they need to make a leap (either Bogosian or an experienced defense coach).

In St. Louis, they have an issue with the idea of Doughty and Johnson being the best young defensive duo in the league. The Blues selected Alex Pietrangelo to team with Erik Johnson, and give the Kings’ pair a run. Pietrangelo draws many comparisons to Doughty, but plays with less flash, and absolutely has all the tools.

Making their best move since trading for Mats Sundin, the Toronto Maple Leafs made a deal with the Islanders to move up and grabbed Luke Schenn with the number five pick. Schenn in a physical force and an absolute terror to play against. He hit everything that came into the Canadian end during the World Juniors, and should transition very easily into the pro ranks.

Chicago may have the steal of the draft in Kyle Beach. Off-ice issues hurt Beach’s stock, otherwise many regard him as the most talented player in the draft. In Chicago, with the Wirtz’s new direction, and with strong leaders like Dave Tallon and Dennis Savard, Beach should be in very good hands.

Not content to draft just their powerplay quarterback of the future, the Kings also went for their shot-blocking, PIM-leading, penalty-killing leader of the future, selecting Colten Teubert with their second pick of the first round. Teubert doesn’t project in the same class the other four do, but he’s the kind of guy you can’t win without.

Ottawa went way off the board with the 15^th pick, selecting Erik Karlsson of Frolunda. The tiny Swede debuted on ISS’s rankings in May, and shot up teams’ draft boards like a draft day version of Fabian Brunnstrom. It says here Ray Emery will be back with Ottawa before Karlsson makes any kind of impact.

Speaking of off the board, hello Boston! The Bruins swung for the fences drafting Joe Colborne out of the Alberta Junior League. He was by far the league’s most talented player this season, and has appeared on most draft lists as a second rounder, or very late in the first round. At 6’5” Colborne could team with Milan Lucic in an imposing lineup.

In the end, International Scouting Services and the NHL’s Central Scouting nearly picked all 30 first rounders correctly, and nearly did so in the correct order. This draft appears to be rife with talent, and looking back in three, five, 10 or 20 years’ time, should be very fun.

Stay tuned for thoughts on the major draft-day trades.

Title image stolen from this brilliant John Buccigross column

LMITR Movie Review-- Get Smart

Spoiler alert: the movie is pretty funny, they stop the bad guys in time, and the guy gets the girl. Phew, thank goodness we got that out of the way.

This time ‘round, the film in question is Get Smart.

I won’t compare it to the tv show, since I don’t remember if I ever did watch it. So instead, I just sat back, ate my nachos, and tried to enjoy myself.

And it turns out, that’s exactly what I did. You’ve got your generic spy movie plot, you’ve got Mel Brooks in charge of slapstick comedy, Steve Carell being far less loathsome than I normally find him, and a veritable who’s-who list of “That guy”s playing the smaller parts. To top it all off, you’ve got the best airplane bathroom scene since Tommy Boy (director Peter Segal’s other good movie).

So what more could you ask for? For a family-friendly comedy that packs as many laughs as any movie in recent memory, you couldn’t ask for much more at all. Even the gags from the trailers hold up well in the film’s context.

See this movie.

Well what do you believe in?

Fathers Day, minor-league baseball, and the 20^th anniversary of Bull Durham’s release. Add it all up, and it can be a bit much for any man—but particularly this one.

On Sunday afternoon I ventured to Foothills Stadium to take in my first Calgary Vipers game, and if I may borrow from MasterCard; Ticket to the game: $7, Spolumbo’s sausage and a Big Rock: $7, New Vipers hat: $13, Sunny afternoon at the ballyard: priceless.

The game itself was an 11-run blowout that started poorly for the home side. The Vipers were behind 2-0 after the top of the first inning—despite not giving up a hit. But the bats came to life in a big way in the bottom of the second inning, when the Vipers hit three solo home runs to tie the game, and they never looked back.

The Vipers took the lead for good in the third inning, and a sixth-inning grand slam assured the fans would all go home happy. And for what it’s worth, it was the first time I’ve ever seen a grand slam live.

But the point of all this is the movie. I would have been 17 or so the first time my father sat me down, and basically forced me to watch it. At the time, being too cool for everything, I thought the movie was pretty hokey.

Then it happened. The speech. Right there at the 53 second mark. Maybe you were expecting this speech. Either way, I don’t know many ballplayers that can’t recite both.

In the eight-or-so years since that night, I’ve watched the movie at least 100 times. Every time it’s better than the last, and every time I laugh my ass off. Whether it’s Nuke LaLoosh absolutely destroying Try A Little Tenderness, or Crash Davis teaching LaLoosh the cliches, or Jimmy and Millie’s improbable romance, or Jose’s cursed glove. It gets me every time.

So to my dad: Happy Fathers Day, and thanks for teaching me about this movie.

Good news

Mosquitos will not kill you. Well, not yet at least. According to a spokesman from Alberta Health and Wellness, the killer mosquitos, the ones carrying West Nile, malaria, and untold millions of other lethal infections, don't come out until later in the season. So in the spring time, don't waste your time, effort, or $8 on mosquito repellent. The bites are still annoying, but they're not lethal. As with every other public=health scare, most average, healthy children and adults run almost no risk of falling seriously ill. The elderly are the most susceptible, as are those with compromised immune systems, those with a history of organ transplants, and diabetics. So by all means, if you've had a myriad of organ transplants, grab one of these from your local Canadian Tire. For the rest of us, can we please calm down? Elsewhere: the Hamilton Tiger-Cats won their first pre-season game tonight. It may end up being the high-water mark of the 2008 season, so please allow me a moment to enjoy it.